Showdown: Ayu's "You & me" VS. Kumi's "Whatchu waitin' on"

Ayumi Hamasaki vs. Kumi Koda | Showdown

Max Matsuura gave both ladies a brief. Which was to release a compilation album themed around Summer and record one new song to feature on it which encapsulates current chart trends. Ayu decided to try and mix her old style with a bit of new. Where-as Kumi just went straight cookie cutter, copy and paste for her shit. We know that bitch don't give a damn.

You & me

Ayu's riding first class on a plane heading for flopville and her flight is ready to land. I could cope with her being unsure of her image (which she clearly is) if the music was up to scratch; but her sound is just as much of a mess. "You & me" is one of the worst songs Ayu has recorded over the past 10 years. It's a clusterfuck of "Blue bird", "Fairy land", Sonic the hedgehog, the pre-chorus build of The Forehead's "We found love" and an anime theme song. Add the vocals of somebody singing whilst pinching their noise in a booth full of helium and you have a contender for 2012's messiest mess of a song. Despite trying to shamelessly sound hip and current, the whole thing sounds outdated. Where the hell did that 60's disco drop on second verse come from!? On fliday nigh'. Namie Amuro called. She wants her Engrish back. Uncontrolled. 5 and half tracks of Engrish. Ayu could never.

Whatchu waitin' on?

Kumi's "Whatchu waitin' on?" on the other hand has a much more direct and focused sound. The structure of the song is easier to follow. It's catchy. And despite the song being wholly forgettable, it's at the very least fun and coherent. It comes with the obligatory dubstep breakdown, as every song since Britney's "Hold it against me" has done - interrupting a steady paced song with a complete BPM drop and a set of beats that nobody can dance to. Your average Japanese girl in da crub does NOT know how to dance to a dubstep breakdown. Yet every song seems to command that she does so.

Ayu's recent image change and residence in flop lane is clearly her having some form of mid life crisis. Her lack of direction in regards to her image and music is clearly metaphorical. She has no idea what she should do or where she should go. What Ayu needs to do is figure this out AWAY from music. Not keep releasing it until she finds the answer, because she's doing more damage than good. She needs to take her bony ass and her pigs in blanket lips and just chill in her infinity pool until she find the answers and regains that train of thought she was on when she was not putting a foot wrong in Japan's eyes.

Kumi's music continues to be as vacuous as ever, but she at least shows some form of direction and consistency. "Whatchu waitin' on?" is in fact better than 70% of Ploponesque. This isn't saying much. But at least Kumi has some kind of grip what's going on, where-as Ayu has as much of a clue what's going on as I do what Manuel does for a career.

Nobody was really wanting a new single from either of these women right now. The songs themselves being utter garbage doesn't help the cause for the case that neither of them should have bothered releasing anything. Kumi fans will argue that "Kumi always drops a Summer single!" But this isn't in her contract and given that she was heavily pregnant and trying to rip off fans with a remix album, I think 2012 would have survived without a Kumi Summer single. And if Avex expect A Summer best to fly off the shelves as a result of "You & me", they are smoking crack. Being of a generation where most music is ripped, acquired digitally and placed into playlists, the idea of a Greatest hits compilation for conveniences sake doesn't hold as much now as it did 5 years ago. This is the exact reason why artists often end up recording extra songs to entice buyers. When Namie released Best fiction, she gave us 4 new songs. When Hikaru Utada release her Singles collection vol. 2, she gave an EP of new material. When Kumi Koda released her last best album, it came with a whole new album. There is a high probabailty that Ayu's core fanbase own most of her albums anyway, so to expect them to flock to HMV to buy this A Summer best on the merits of "You & me" is takinng them for granted and making a bit of a mockery out of them to blindly think they'd just buy it. Avex should have cancelled the shit out of Party queen, taken the 4 best songs from those recording sessions, shoved it onto A Summer best and gone with "Party queen" as a lead single; because that was a hot Summer jam. But pace, thought and logic is often lost on Avex and they seem to be lost on Ayu too.

We all know who the real winner is here.

A Summer best vs. Beach mix. Best fiction WINS!!

8 comments:

  1. Never thought of releasing "A summer best" the way you described it. Doing that, it would have probably flown off the shelves.

    I wonder how the new copyright laws in Japan will affect sales though.

    If I lived in Japan, I wouldn't even bother downloading "You & Me." That song is NOT worth 10 years of jail time.

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  2. ...and Namie is probably somewhere laughing about all of this!

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  3. Well at least A Summer best's covers are quite decent, Kumi's on the other hand look like they've been made by a 13-year-old in 2006. What the fuck is going on with that rainbow font and her tongue popping out?

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  4. I have a weak spot for those uninspired and outdated rihanna rip offs so i prefer You & Me lol.
    Whatchu Waitin' On is nice though, but none of the songs are close to their past works. I want Ayu on dat Rock N Roll Circus again.

    Btw, when are you posting that Uncontrolled review? i keep checking for it but you never post it boo.

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  5. J youre such a troll, lol you've been trolling the ayu an kuu stans ever since floppy queen and floenesque dropped, and ive been loving it. Thanks for the shady images. they never fail to get the namie haters riled up when I post them in forums lmaooo

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  6. "You & Me" is definitely not one of Ayu's strongest songs, but the worst song she's ever recorded will always be "MOON" for me. I haven't listened to Koda Kumi's new song yet, though. I'm waiting for the album to be released before I do that.

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  7. I tried very hard to like "You & Me". I couldn't. I like Ku's song though. It reminds me of "Love Technique" from Japonesque. Not the melody or bass notes or anything, but the overall pop vibe

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  8. watchin gonna do is boring like the most of koda songs, I just like her when dancing and show off her body, but she singing is awful
    I didn't like you & me either, but the ending of pv of ayu being kickedfrom the car cool LOL

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