Ayumi Hamasaki to release her first physical single since the year BC (C = Christ = Namie Amuro)

Ayumi Hamasuck-so-hard-mutha-fuckas-don't-wanna-find-me will be releasing her first physical single in ever. Home girl has been scared of physical singles ever since Namie began outright slaughtering her on the ORICON charts and making Ayu's sales figures look like change from a 1000 yen note after a night at Go-go curry. To try and make sure people buy this damn thing, she is releasing it on Christmas day. So you can expect to see a truck driving around Shibuya with Ayu's sex doll face all over it in the final week of December.

Her new single will be a double A-side "Feel the love" and "Merry-go-round". "Feel the love" has snuck its way onto YouTube and it sounds fucking awful. The song isn't even fit for a Para Para paradise game. Not only does the song sound outdated, but the lyric video features a bunch of tacky photo transitions and a use of lens flare that even the most budget karaoke parlour wouldn't dare use in a lyric video.

"Feel the love" sounds worse than "You and me". I didn't think it was possible for Gurl, Byu to drop a single as terrible, but my lawd she has done it. I have to clap for a bitch. She finally exceeded an expectation.

The second A-side "Merry-go-round" will feature M-Flo, marking the first time Ayu has ever worked with them. Ayu must be the only woman on Avex who hasn't worked with M-Flo up until now. Kumi, Namie, BoA and all of the other Avex hoes had cut a track with M-Flo years and years ago, back when M-Flo were relevant and releasing good music. M-Flo were dead to me after Square one. It's great to see Avex flops sticking together. Although Ayu has no clue of what sounds good and M-flo's past 2 albums indicated that they know no better than she does - so God help a bitch with this song.

Album reviews: Next level | Rock 'n' roll circus | Love songs | Five | Party queen | Love again


  1. I'm so excited for the music video in a really sick way.

    I love the photo montage of Ayu looking like she actually cares about what this wreck sounds like.

  2. I'm actually kind of mad she didn't release any singles from Party Queen; I was looking to beat jack the chick, but she wanted to be stingy with dem instrumentals. It's a shame this double A-side is gonna be her first one in ages, because that song... #GurlNo -_- Feel the Love was kind of cute with it's '90s dance-pop/electrohouse remix feel to it at first, but now it just sounds awful; Koda The-Thirst-Is-Real Kumi's Dreaming Now sounds better than that hot mess of synths and horribly autotuned vocals. And I will pray to the Lawd for Merry Go Round, but we all know it's going to suck harder than Yuilia's second album; VERBAL let a nigga down with that hot mess >_>

  3. You are so Namie biased, I love it!

  4. This is probably one of my favourite blog posts of all time.


HTML tags for bold, italic and hyperlinks are allowed