Billboard music awards 2011 mess performances


The Billboard awards took place. Some hoes performed. The show was rubbish. But it was better than the VMA's. Although most things are.

This isn't a run down of all of the performances. Just the ones which had me shake my head the most and wonder what the world is coming to when we can't get one wholly decent performance from some of the biggest names in pop right now.


Forehead Fenty - S&M (with Shitney Spears)

What in the Ronald McDonald and Hamburlger hell was this mess!? The Forehead isn't the best of performers. Not even remotely close. But even by her standards this performance was S&M: Shit and Mess. And as for Britney, it comes as no surprise that she came up out of the stage sitting down. We know how this woman loves sitting / riding things on stage, and all of the things which prevent her from actually dancing. Not that I needed any confirmation, but this shit for me was the last straw where Shitney is concerned. She needs to do her little Femme fatale tour, drop a Greatest hits album with 2 new songs and then just call her career a wrap and look after her kids. Or at least try to look after them kids. If anybody wants to ask where this woman's swagger has gone, they need to ask Michael Jackson. Because the two of them have been kicking it nicely in Club dead for a good while. Call me a hater all you like. But I'm calling this how I see it. This was NOT how it should have gone down. When you're a 10 year game vet and some Bajan hill billy in a red wig is out singing you and doing so live whilst your shit is playing back on a pre-record, and is out swagging you too - then you know it's time to start re-evaluating some thangs. Britney needs to just stop. Her VMA performance of "Gimme more" was better than this. And no, I'm not joking. Both these hoes should feel deep shame.


Ke$ha - Animal / Blow

The name of the song she performed pretty much summed up what this performance did. I wish the gallery had cut to a camera man moving in on Mary J Blige in the audience, because I bet she was giving some GIF worthy side eye to this mess. We all remember the look on her face when Britney and Christina performed with Madonna at the VMA's. This woman has no time for trashy looking white girls making fools of themselves on stage. Ke$ha 'sang' live though. I will give her that. I use the term 'sang' as loosely as Ke$ha's vagina. Because it was more like shouting. Or ear rape. Both terms are appropriate.

Props to Ke$ha for not deciding to whore Britney out how Rihanna and Nicki Minaj did though - because she easily could have given that she, you know...wrote her arse a f**king hit. Ke$ha probably decided she didn't want some zombified chick miming all up on her stage. Because we know how Ke$ha called Britney out for that shit a while back. She was talking out the side of her mouth back then, but she was right.



Beyoncé - Run the world (Girls with weaves)

So far, Beyoncé has been called out for live-concept-swagger-jacking Kylie Minogue, Britney Spears, Bob Fosse and now...Lorella Cuccarini. It's almost become general practice now. Let Beyoncé drop something, and then see how many hours it takes until somebody drags up the source material from which Beyoncé copied.

The projection scenes were really cool. But very much jacked. And aside from being a complete copy of Lorella's work, Beyoncé even jacks a little bit of Kylie (again) too. Because the pint sized Australian star also dabbled with this interactive projection shizzle in her "Get outta the way" music video. Trust the copied part of the performance to be the best part. Because as soon as my n***a Leroy switched off the projector, this shit went downhill faster than Jill Scott in a shopping trolley. I preferred Beyoncé's performance on Oprah to this, because it had more energy to it. And when Beyoncé opened them legs on Oprah's stage, a beacon of light shone out of it which enveloped me and made me feel all warm inside - much like Beyoncé vagina itself.



The Black eyed disgraces to music - Just can't get enough / I gotta feeling

"Just can't get enough" is one of the few songs off of The beginning which doesn't make me wish I was tone deaf. Although the fella's could have done without the autotune. It just rendered them annoying to listen to. At least Fergie was able to bring an unaffected pitch perfect vocal to the table, otherwise this performance may as well have been handled by robots and holograms. And the guys were wrong for making Fergie do the running man in heels. Beyoncé and Lady Gaga are the only two women in the galaxy who could out running man a man in flats in stiletto heels.



Nicki Minaj - Super fake ass booty / Fail till the world ends (with Shitney Spears)

This pink haired tramp is really starting to come into her own in her live performances. Her live game used to be what I could only describe as hood messes. But she's finding her own niché, embracing her pop star status and it seems to be working for her. This performance was fun. And even though Nicki's singing was a mess at least she bothered to sing live, which is more than can be said for Britney. Why does anybody even bother giving this bitch a microphone? We all know the chick doesn't do live and would never do live, even if Sean Preston's life depended on it. Britney looked hot. But that is all. There was no enthusiasm. No sharpness. All the bitch did was walk. Britney 5 years ago would have made damn sure that the walk was the flyest looking walk ever. She'd be all up in that crowd, flicking that weave from left to right, dropping to her knees to thrash more weave, do a bit of body popping and then spinning bird kick to the end of the runway, before capping the performance off with a high kick, a slide across the stage on her knees and a bit more weave thrashing. I miss that Britney. I think it's amazing there are still people who would pay to see this woman when her live game stinks like her Blackout weaves. I could never.

3 comments:

  1. Why didn't you post Mary J. Blige's performance?

    She's the ONLY female artist from the 90's still relevant and performing at the Billboard Music Awards.

    Post it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. This was a mess. I cringed when Rhianna started singing and nearly threw up when Britney started on S&M. Was that performance supposed to be sexy?? because it was far from it. All they did was roll around the stage like strippers from a mid-western bar. These performances were terrible. I couldn't watch the whole of any of them.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Well Rihanna looked hot, Britney looked hot in both performances and i loved that Donni Darko bondage mask lmao XD
    Not gonna comment on the live game coz people are chattin to much on that anyway *side eye* LOL

    Beyonce's performance was cool but got boring fast and of course it would have to be jacked, That's just how Bey rolls... remember when she used to jack performance ideas from Britney? those were the days...

    ReplyDelete

HTML tags for bold, italic and hyperlinks are allowed