Sunday shade: Kumi Koda's Avex audition

Kumi Koda's Avex audition | Random J Pop

Contrary to popular belief, Kumi Koda was not signed to Avex as a result of giving up the pussy to the CEO of the label and sucking him dry - but was signed through an annual audition held by one of Japan's biggest record labels, Avex trax. Avex always talk up how their 'star search' auditions are for worldwide participants, but they ain't ever signing no white dude, some black girl or some chick from Bangladesh who looks like Pullum Purna from Street Fighter EX+ Alpha.

Videos of Kumi's audtions have been online since the beginning of time and in case you've not viewed any of them, I will share one with you. This particular video is my favourite because it's an early glimpse at Kumi reaching for the wig of a minor and flushing it down the toilet without remorse.



Kumi hits her stride with the routine, almost elbows the girl at least 5 times and doesn't miss a single note. The girl can sense she's about to lose it and even gives up singing into the microphone half way through the song because she knows the next day she is going straight back to school.

I have no idea who that little girl is, so I'm just going to call her 'Tekken' because I'm listening to the game soundtrack as I type this and nobody knows the king of the iron fist better than this girl, because she got shown it in this audition. For all we know, 'Tekken' could actually be signed to Avex now. Lord knows singing talent isn't not a requirement at that label and they don't give a shit how snaggle-toothed your grill is. You just have to be prepared to release albums non stop regardless of whether you are half deaf, pregnant or grieving the loss of a family member.

If Ayu had known back then who Kumi Koda would become, she would be in jail for manslaughter. Don't think for a second Ayu would not had gone over Kumi in a Honda Ridgeline if she had the chance. Ayu is crazy. You have all seen that "Don't look back" video, right?

Kumi's music all sounds the same and she's not on it how she used to be. But the woman has come a long way and has done everything to reach that point of being as popular as Ayu on the charts, and to a greater degree I'd say she's achieved that. Ayu still has the stronger legacy and million sellers to her name. But Kumi is now recognized as a contender to her and Ayu don't like that shit for a second. So, MISSION COMPLETE!!

18 comments:

  1. It's an old photo from 2009... Triangle Tour.

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  2. MYSTERY SOLVED!


    Damn. I actually nailed the era from Nocchi's hair. I'm way too far gone. *swirls Brandy*

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  3. Wow. I'm impressed. I hadn't bothered to look up anyone's audition videos. I'm pleased to know Kumi slayed that poor girl. You see her trying to take up the entire camera frame, right? ;)

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  4. was that a mole??????/

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  5. lol that mole is killing me and that song is kinda catchy, anyone knows the name?
    btw she's a legend and it would take a quite long time for another female artist to be as big as her.

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  6. Lfmao you better slay Kumi. That poor girl was done the minute she walked into that door, then she picked up that mic and sent herself to an early grave. She thought she was slick at one point too, trying to subtly push Kumi out Of the frame. All we need now is for avex to have their flop queens re audition for a spot on the label with Namie as the judge. Could you imagine Kumi and Ayu? Ayu with her finger to her earpiece because she's a deaf bish desperately trying to sing in tune. Kumi dropping into splits and whipping her hair so hard it's getting into Ayu's face making it just that much harder for her to keep it together with the vocals. Name watching and laughing at these bitches. Lawd my life would be complete.

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  7. Misono playing sabotage games. Tell your sister to finish blowing her nose.

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  8. Is that really Misono
    ?

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  9. Funny thing is...H!P doesnt look for talent; they are more about face. So I can see why they didn't choose Koda. The girl on the left was brutally snatched but I can see her being an Idol...

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  10. I don't think so, but I thought it was lol.

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  11. Wow, she looks like Shiambukuro Hiroko of SPEED but doesn't have that super high nasal-y voice and pretty much just sounds like present-day Kumi. I know my next sentence sounds really wrong, but I love looking at Japanese school children because they look so Japanese, or in some "original state." Super black hair, little eyes without makeup or fake eyelashes, caterpillar eyebrows. Kumi (and Amuro and Ayu and Utada and everyone) should throw it back once in a while. I hope this doesn't sound nationalistic or something; it's just kind of refreshing to see, or it's odd to be reminded that these people looked so different back in the day.

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  12. The funny thing about Kumi is that she's both amazing and a hot mess at the same time. It's impossible not to like her.
    Even Queen Namiserable I was laughing her ass off while sitting next to her and y'all know damn well how hard it is for Namiserable to show any kind of emotion.

    http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xdmhxg_amuro-namie-with-dj-ozma-koda-kumi_music

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  13. haha. or a nationalistic hag lamenting the loss of 'true identity' even while recognizing that there was no such thing to begin with.

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  14. Or that. Although, I will say Utada kind of is always "throwback".

    She only started dying her hair HEART STATION era and even then a light brown then she went back to black. And everything else about her is pretty light and minimalistic. She doesn't carry herself extravagantly at all.

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  15. "they ain't ever signing no white dude, some black girl or some chick from Bangladesh"

    Faky's Tina and Diane beg to differ.

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  16. Are either of those girls black or from Bangladesh though?


    Nope? Okay then.

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  17. But they're not completely japanese, they both look caucasian, especially Tina whom speaks english more fluently than japanese.

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