Album arts + tracklisting: Kumi Koda - Beach mix

Even the The amazonian robot empress from the kingdom of lost wigs knew to sit her arse down during her pregnancy and just BE pregnant. But not Kumi Kehovah. She wants to make that money, because she knows recession is a bitch and that n***as ain't bringing gold, frankincense and myrrh to her apartment how they would back in 0 BA (Before Ayu).

Beach mix is not a remix album, but a best compilation of her up-tempos. I would use the term 'best' loosely here, because the tracks shortlisted for this Bitch mix are far from her best in my opinion. I usually hate on Best albums, especially when they are released as frequent as Kumi's. But the idea of this I think is pretty neat, because whilst Kumi's albums are inconsistent wrecks, selected up-tempos from several of her albums would sit nicely together and make for a tight and coherent release. But the omission of certain songs from this mix is baffling to me...

• Whatchu waitin' on?
• KO-SO-KO-SO
• Bling Bling Bling featuring AK-69　
• Hey baby!　
• V.I.P. featuring T-Pain
• No tricks
• Heat featuring Megaryu
• Cutie honey
• D.D.D. featuring Soulhead
• Come with me
• Twinkle
• Taboo

What Avex have done is pick her sluttiest songs, not necessarily the ones which evoke the Summer loving that the album title and cover implies. Where is "Lick me ♥", "Inside fishbowl", "Driving", "Hashire!" and "Real emotion"?

Beach mix features one new song, "Whachu waitin' on?" and it also has a video. Kumi has been going to great lengths to hide her baby bump in public. So I suspect this music video will be animated or feature Kumi dressed up as a bouncy castle. If Kumi really wants to skank out her pregnancy in it's final stages, then she may pimp her baby bump in suspenders, fishnet tights and have a dude spin her around on the floor in her own broken waters with her legs akimbo like she's break dancing on a kitchen lino.

A cheap wig, McDonalds happy meal glasses and font from an Essex disco revival night flyer make this album cover a visual offender. The tackiness of the CD + DVD pose screams Nicki Minaj to me. It's the cheapness and the clearly re-done-like-a-Cheshire-cat grill. You can click both album arts for an enlarged view, just in case you want a closer look at how bodged these album arts are. Avex must not have any budget to cop fonts. Because Ayumi Hamasaki, Namie and Kumi have all had their latest releases slapped with nasty typography's.

This release is going to flop so hard. But it will still sell more copies in its first week than Farty queen and Crystal Kay's Vivid. She ain't touching Namie though. That ho is like Teflon.