The day Beyoncé imploded the world and crashed iTunes

The day Beyoncé imploded the world and crashed iTunes | Random J pop

On Friday December 13th 2013, Beyoncé came through in the night whilst half of the hemisphere was asleep like the ghost of Wigmas past and snatched every person whilst they were sleeping.

I tweeted on Thursday night (in the wake of Beyoncé announcing new tour dates for 2014) that her fifth studio album was a myth and would never see the light of day. I woke up on Friday to find she had already released the blasted thing. Not a new single. Not just an album. But an album with 14 brand new tracks and 17 music videos. No title. Not even an album cover.

Beyoncé taught the world several things on this day:
  1. Broads in the pop game need to stay on their fucking toes
  2. Beyoncé is capable of snatching a wig from an iTunes sever
  3. She's a grown woman. She can do whatever she wants
Many people went to bed, completely oblivious that they would be waking up with alopecia.

Everybody can say what they like about how terrible the album is and how much they hate this woman. But the way she dropped this album of hers, managed to keep it a complete secret and spring no leaks is to be applauded. It is now a moment in pop history because the whole thing is so unprecedented. Nobody has stealth-snatched on this scale before. There are very few pop stars today who could release an album unannounced with no pre-awareness, no single and no promo and manage to break records and crash iTunes.

The NDA's for this album must have stated death as apenalty for anybody who said a word about it. Beyonce keeps her shit secret and on lock andkey until she says so. The Knowles do not play with the gate keeping of information. Feds may want to check under the floor boards of that family home in Houston.

For Beyoncé to record an album, shoot 17 videos (all of which look decent and not rushed to fuck and samey like those B’day videos) whilst she was on a world tour is just insane.

Fraud. Bitch. Derivative ho. Whatever you want to call her. Beyoncé pulled an ace with this album release regardless. The way Beyoncé packaged this album and the amount of hysteria she caused with it is every thing Gaga was hoping she'd get, but didn't with Artpop. Beyoncé showed her ass.

Album review, coming soon.

16 comments:

  1. That gif sums up the world's reaction to that steal-game snatch and Beyonce's reaction as she posts about vegan cupcakes. This girl is damn serious.

    Looking forward to your album review, J.

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  2. I'm sorry, but what Bey did here kills the entire game! I mean, the fact that she released this practically out-of-the-blue with no hindsight whatsoever, and manages to snatch 500K sold, and hit #1 in as little as a weekend proves this bitch is a bonafide superstar. Nobody could do that and get away with it now.


    This is why she is Queen Bey! (Or Empress Android... whateva you use to call her ?J LOL!)

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  3. I'm not gonna front; I wanted to be shady as hell when I heard about this album, but I sure as hell knew I couldn't. The only people I know who would pull some shit like this is Koda Kumi and Ayu-chan, but when they did, their shit looked raggedy as fuck. Props to you eBey; I'm still coming for your wig for not officially releasing Grown Woman or Standing on the Sun, but at least you did release something.

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  4. "Many people went to bed, completely oblivious that they would be waking up with alopecia. "

    *DECEASED&DESIST*

    BetchYAWNce didn't give anybody alopecia but herself with them lace front wigs.

    Album sucks, she sucks and blue ivy still ugly as $h!t.

    She released it on the sneak because she's incapable of producing a worthwhile single.

    She had to start over, go back to the drawing board and try again. Said BAI to grown woman on the sun and said ya'll ain't getting $h!t.

    Imma release it when you sleep and when it flops, I'll blame it on yo' sealy posturpedi'.

    Betch is a coward. Waited until all the other Cinderella's dropped so fans couldn't rally to compete in sales.

    I hope she realizes that when she dies, lace front weaves burn in h311.

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  5. "She released it on the sneak because she's incapable of producing a worthwhile single."

    Oh. I'm sure that's the reason.

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  6. But, wait!? Beyoncé's album sold 800K around the world, 600K in US, with no promotion and no singles. Katy Perry & Gaga had both promotion, singles, performances, and interviews, and yada-yada and their albums COMBINED barely sold half of what Bey sold. So, to use your term, she hardly "sucks", hardly needs the capability to produce a worthwhile single (acting like "Halo" and "Crazy In Love" doesn't exist), and pretty much didn't flop (like a few of these other pop artists).


    And to call her a coward, name another artist who'd release an album in the dead of album season (when most people are done with their 2013 lists and nominations and whatnot), with no hindsight whatsoever, and by only digital format. That is incredibly brave. No other artist would have the GALL to do something that crazy, yet she did on a whim, basically and outdid every single artist in the world this year!


    So, as much as I usually appreciate your trolling, here you're just wrong.

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  7. Locate "Grown Woman" and "Standing On The Sun" and then maybe you'll matter.

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  8. What you are gullibly tricked into believing is "brave", I see for the cowardice it really is.

    There really is no middle ground for us with your delusions of grandeur.

    There are many Albums I was excited to buy until I heard the suck songs.

    BeYAWNslut just did it in reverse and got you all.

    So rejoice. You got excitement, theatrics and a PERFORMANCE at the cost of a suck lame duck album. Enjoy that.

    You bought into an experience, not an Album of any Artistic Measure containing any Songs Worthwhile.

    Buzz Buzz, Sting Sting and all that $h!t. I watch him too.

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  9. I thought that was the point of the album, though. She literally said that she didn't feel like dropping any singles because she wanted the entire thing compiled into one album. And there's even a note that says if you don't want to buy into the hype, you can wait until the 20th (a week post-release) to buy them. Not to mention that all of the video-snippets were posted on YouTube - so even if you wanted to test the water before diving in - against the whole point of listening to it at once - you could.

    "What you are gullibly tricked into believing is "brave", I see for the cowardice it really is."

    Eh, I disagree. As much as I dislike Beyonce, what she did was really a huge chance. After such heavy criticism of 4, dropping an album filled with the same gimmicks of trying too hard would've put her into official flop territory. She did the smart thing by doing the exact opposite of what she did for that album - being truly personal and not trying to make the bank just to be called 'boring'.

    not an Album of any Artistic Measure containing any Songs Worthwhile.

    XO is pretty worthwhile to me, maybe we don't have similar tastes? lol

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  10. spot no lies. Bey slays with this era.

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  11. Taking marketing and visual arrangement out of the picture, I don't really see how the songs by themselves are better than what's on 4?

    I thought 4 was good.

    Gimmicky, sure, but these songs are far more gimmicky than that, and with less appeasing sound quality. They are exactly what Kanye, Jay, Nicki, (insert any random rapper here), Rihanna, Madonna, Gaga (insert any "Art Pop" type artist here) would and could have produced, so I can't find what's special about the music itself, other than who it's attached to. Only thing I can think of is Rocket, but that was D'Angelo territory, and Blow was just a throwback to music by artists before her.

    If it hadn't had been dropped this way, especially with its packaging, I personally think this album would have indeed flopped, or been the worst to date for her thus far. The majority of it is on that "Ratchet/Ghetto" wave, so I can only assume that those riding that wave are the ones who find it the best songs to date.

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  12. Marketing had more to do with it, in my opinion, which is why it was such a good, and successful, idea. Most people just wanted to see what she finally had before even hearing (or seeing) the album in full-length (songs and videos for instance, that I had liked the previews of on Youtube didn't turn out to be to my taste in the long haul), or being able to download the songs individually unless it was strictly the entire album. A large quarter actually didn't hear anything before they bought it; not taking anything away from the sales, I just want to mention that purchase is not always the most suitable proof of what's quality and what's not, as there always are (and were) some section of customers who make foolhardy "I wasted my money on this crap" comments afterwards.

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  13. I didn't say that I thought 4 was bad. No, merely that she couldn't have repeated what she did there when selling this album - a point in which you and I agree! In fact, I think some of her songs here channel her old sounds ("Pretty Hurts" and "XO" channel the summation of "Halo" and "End of Time" or even "1+1"). She couldn't have dropped singles the way she did with '4' because the entire album is the package. It's why "Grown Woman" and "Standing on the Sun" were excluded - they don't fit the mold or overall moody sound. If she dropped an album the way that other stars did this year, it would have negated her concept as having a singular unit. The whole point of it is to listen to it all at once. It's an "experience". Whether or not you buy into it, it was genius to market it that way and produced a string of videos affirming it.

    I don't agree with the label of these songs as 'rachet' / 'ghetto', however. I think you're looking for alt-wave or trap sounds, and even then it's by personal preference whether you like them or not. The most highly rated songs by critics, "***Flawless" and "Partition" wouldn't have made it on the open pop market, but that doesn't de-value them as being really well produced.

    And what makes the songs even better than their sounds (if you are to say you dislike the music itself) are the lyrics. To use the examples you provided:
    Lady Gaga can't sing about what it's like to have a baby and marriage confusion. Nicki can't sing about her ex staying in Texas, nor is anyone going to believe she'll admit to having body insecurities (call me when this happens). And to put it beyond, Kanye could've dropped a verse on "Haunted" - but only because he and Beyonce both know the pressures of producing music that's "radio" ready to make that money, instead of what really concerns their style and sound. It's the same as if Beyonce were to try and sing Rihanna's "Love the Way You Lie". It wouldn't have the same impact if another artist sang these songs - it's believable that these are real life experiences she is telling us about through her work.

    This album really belongs to her - it's a glimpse into what she thinks. Maybe that's why it was clever to make people listen to it the whole way through. You can't perceive the idea with 30 second bites.

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  14. I agree say what you want about her but this is marketing genius can't wait for review

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  15. I very much appreciate the way you express your opinions. The entire discussion is a matter of subjectivity, so it's fine when there is no right or wrong answer, but swapping feelings is always fun. Sometimes it can be so tricky online, though.

    To me, she couldn't have dropped the singles the way they were because most would have flipped and flopped like fish out of water --- even more so, like you mentioned, because the idea wouldn't have been perceived, and because on their own, many probably were not going to stand out musically no matter the lyrics -- especially if they had been under a lesser name. However, too many saw nor caught no singular connection between these songs and their videos as a whole even when they did like the album. Some didn't properly listen to the songs because the videos were confusing them away from focusing on the sound, or vice versa.

    Yet, I did feel "Grown Woman" fit this album (a song and video which I do like; neither are original, but it is what it is). In fact, it would have been good if it were the title of the album, as I believe that was the album's message (which makes sense to me now), but I can not be sure.

    No, I was actually thinking about the songs that people singled out the most when I made that statement, (Drunken Love, Yonce, Flawless, etc --- "Ratchet Genre." It's not whether I like it or not, that is apparently the new name in this generation and it's said with endearment; it's like a feminine version of "Gangsta," but both terms are what she was going for so thus it is), while what was not was put on twitter back-burner in comparsion.

    L, K, N, R (all of which Bey is better than), Janet, and Madonna may not have been believable suspects for the latter portion, but the other 70% song sound, oh yes indeed. If the latter is a glimpse into what she thinks, it was a peekabo glimpse indeed amongst all the other regurgitations thrown up from too many others, both past and present, video, music, and song theme.

    I'm not sure if Pretty Hurts is about her; I never assumed it was, but at the same time, it always used to surprise me when listeners would think her earlier music was always designed to reflect her personal issues ("Ring the Alarm, Why Don't You Love Me," etc). She sings about music that's usually meant to be from a point of view (like literary authors do, even if she doesn't write them), with many characters involved or from other people's experience, in a way to both connect people to them while distancing herself from anything sketchy; at least, I remember that being her aim after Dream Girls channeled her into it. Not to say all the songs on the album are like that; I just don't feel Pretty Hurts was supposed to be about her personally. It was more like the "every woman" song, I assume, but I could be wrong because I am not sure.

    Flawless and Patrition aren't well-produced at all for me, so I don't know how to react to that sentiment. It was still a gangsta/ratchet cluster-sound of one song becoming five, and it's a bit of goof to both watch and listen to even if it were by Jay Z, though that is my opinion. It's a different sound that I've heard other people already do; which I was hoping she wouldn't, because Flawless just looks and sounds like a gangsta spoof (her rapping is not "where it's at.") There are pieces and snippets of Patrition that I REALLY love, and will replay specifically, but all the other fluff and junk that keeps taking me out of it is what I can do without, as with many of the songs on this album.

    Lyrics/videos are all and well, but it's not going to save a whole musical arragement for me (and/or borrowed artistic content), nor does it help to finally convince me she has her own sound. Her own thoughts? At least that is a step! Until then, she's my #1 female entertainer; just not an artist for me.

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  16. I very much appreciate the way you express your opinions. The entire discussion is a matter of subjectivity, so it's fine when there is no right or wrong answer, but swapping feelings is always fun. Sometimes it can be so tricky online, though.

    To me, she couldn't have dropped the singles the way they were because most would have flipped and flopped like fish out of water --- even more so, like you mentioned, because the idea wouldn't have been perceived, and because on their own, many probably were not going to stand out musically no matter the lyrics -- especially if they had been under a lesser name. However, too many saw nor caught no singular connection between these songs and their videos as a whole even when they did like the album. Some didn't properly listen to the songs because the videos were confusing them away from focusing on the sound, or vice versa.

    Yet, I did feel "Grown Woman" fit this album (a song and video which I do like; neither are original, but it is what it is). In fact, it would have been good if it were the title of the album, as I believe that was the album's message (which makes sense to me now), but I can not be sure.

    No, I was actually thinking about the songs that people singled out the most when I made that statement, (Drunken Love, Yonce, Flawless, etc --- "Ratchet Genre." It's not whether I like it or not, that is apparently the new name in this generation and it's said with endearment; it's like a feminine version of "Gangsta," but both terms are what she was going for so thus it is), while what was not was put on twitter back-burner in comparison.

    L, K, N, R (all of which Bey is better than), Janet, and Madonna may not have been believable suspects for the latter portion, but the other 70% song sound, oh yes indeed. If the latter is a glimpse into what she thinks, it was a peekaboo glimpse amongst all the other regurgitations thrown up from too many others, both past and present.

    I'm not sure if Pretty Hurts is about her; I never assumed it was, but at the same time, it always used to surprise me when listeners would think her earlier music was always designed to reflect her personal issues ("Ring the Alarm, Why Don't You Love Me," etc). She sings about music that's usually meant to be from a point of view (like literary authors do, even if she doesn't write them), with many characters involved or from other people's experience, in a way to both connect people to them while distancing herself from anything sketchy; at least, I remember that being her aim after Dream Girls channeled her into it. Not to say all the songs on the album are like that; I just don't feel Pretty Hurts was supposed to be about her personally. It was more like the "every woman" song, I assume, but I could be wrong because I am not sure.

    Flawless and Patrition aren't well-produced at all for me, so I don't know how to react to that sentiment. It was still a gangsta/ratchet cluster-sound of one song becoming five, and it's a bit of goof to both watch and listen to even if it were by Jay Z, though that is my opinion. It's a different sound that I've heard other people already do; which I was hoping she wouldn't, because Flawless just looks and sounds like a gangsta spoof (her rapping is not "where it's at.") There are pieces and snippets of Patrition that I REALLY love, and will replay specifically, but all the other fluff and junk that keeps taking me out of it is what I can do without, as with many of the songs on this album.

    Lyrics/videos are all and well, but it's not going to save a whole musical arragement for me (and/or borrowed artistic content), nor does it help to finally convince me she has her own sound. Her own thoughts? At least that is a step! Until then, she's my #1 female entertainer; just not an artist for me.

    ReplyDelete

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