Ariana Grande's got 99 problems and dancing is one of them

Ariana Grande has 99 problems and dancing is one of them | Random J Pop

Sass and some damn energy is what Ariana needs in her life. But if this live performance of "Problem" is anything to go by, she won't be getting neither of these any time soon.

Ariana decided to bust out some moves during her debut performance of "Problem" and the results were dire. Every time the chorus drops, Ariana tries to dance and a Slow loris somewhere in the world ends up dead.


This girl can not dance. Every time she partook in a movement other than walking across the stage I just wanted somebody to walk up to her, put a trench coat over her shoulders and usher her off stage left.

Ariana also performed "Problem" at the iheartmusic awards, doing the same tired routine and wearing the same horrid white Go-Go boots. Here was Rihanna's reaction the second Ariana started moving.

Ariana Grande has 99 problems and dancing is one of them. Rihanna finds that shit funny | Random J Pop

Namie 'I done danced in boots to horns on a track 8 years ago and did it way fucking better' Amuro also caught wind of this performance after her son found it on YouTube. This was her reaction to the mess.

Ariana Grande has 99 problems and dancing is one of them. Namie Amuro is not here for Ariana's shit | Random J Pop

Right before telling her son to switch off that nonsense and get to school.

Everybody has been drawing comparisons between Ariana and Mariah at their song styles, but now we can add dancing. Never forget when Mariah tried during "Honey". Never forget.


Mariah's struggle to get low, her little hop forward in the heels and her Mufasa weave gave me something though. It was small, but it was something. Which is more than Ariana gave me.

39 comments:

  1. The part where she beats the potato looking bacterium reminds me of the animated parts in 'Ninjari Bang Bang', 'Invader Invader' and 'Mottai Night Land'. I thought the commercial would go anime-ish from there for the last 10 seconds but no, lol.

    Good for Kyary to do all those commercials but I bet Mr. Nakata must have no sleep at all..

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  2. It's funny you mentioned that, because this commercial and all of those videos you mentioned were directed by the same guy: Jun Tamukai.


    It's a great thing, because it of course means that the visual aesthetic of her commercials and music videos are pretty much the same.

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  3. "Namie 'I done danced in boots to horns on a track 8 years ago and did it way fucking better' Amuro also caught wind of this performance after her son found it on YouTube. This was her reaction to the mess."

    *violent choking noises*

    https://31.media.tumblr.com/e63a8150300f8c7cb65b6accea9c6471/tumblr_n54eezW0tg1si4zv0o1_400.gif

    https://31.media.tumblr.com/711a6824f5c05b1f96f2a65fd90ac4b7/tumblr_n54efpOLhH1si4zv0o1_500.gif

    https://24.media.tumblr.com/f7ca70ad26b5175e9ee65019e4cc5211/tumblr_n54ei8Obq61si4zv0o1_500.gif

    I am dead. I am dead and gone. I am posting this from the afterlife, y'all. I was waiting for you to shade the everlasting fuck out of Ariana for these moves, but damn!!

    This po' chile... She needs to learn how to sexy correctly (aka shed the wide eyed, jailbait aesthetic), get rid of that entire outfit (y'all are just spotlighting dem boots like this is a Namiserable Slaymuro shade piece, but I want *everything* she's wearing to be burned in a fire), and hop that ass back into a dance studio till she can bring it, K-Pop style (or hell, even J-Idol style... Anything is better than that horrid performance).

    http://memecrunch.com/meme/1G5T6/getting-real-tired-of-your-shit-jessica/image.png

    #MyFaceRightNow #DanceRight #OrGetTheFuckOut

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  4. Well I see the negativity is still alive and well on this blog.

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  5. "jesus christ" when she spoke at the end I'm like her voice is deeper than mine.

    I don't remember her face looking like that either.

    Made me feel like a pedophile. Her body was TRYING to do something mature, her face wasn't trying to do anything at all but put somebody in jail.

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  6. -__- I support crystal, and as of right now I'm all about rule your world; however, I'm also realistic. What are the chances of her securing a hit with this? If the music is good, I'm going to support Crystal no matter what, through the flops or the hits.

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  7. What she needs is to fail with her album again. Because it'll make her so emotionally crazy it'll come through her voice and her soul.

    She says she's got one less problem without this dude but from the strained expression on her face and the lack of rhythmic pump with her back-up, it's like she's checking for him in the audience anyway.

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  8. Please don't tell me those 2 little girls behind "Bey" in that drawing are Kelly and Michelle!

    Eff it.

    Me. I Am Dead.

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  9. I agree with you she needs to do networking and connections I though that what she was doing when I saw her at the grammys and at Roc Nation brunch. Mixtapes is a good way look at K Michelle that's what she did.

    I like the song already so better be good.

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  10. Cool, I didn't know that he was the mastermind behind those music video's and commercials.

    It really is. Oh, and you just reminded me of what I actually wanted to say... I forgot about it, lol. Watching Kyary's commercials really make me feel as if I'm watching a preview/sneak peek for one of her music video's. Is Jun Tamukai also responsible for 2NE1's 'Hate You' mv? Because I would love to see a Kyary mv entirely animated.

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  11. I completely lost it when I got to that Namie pic. Like I literally started choking on my damn food and teared up. You just had to shade a b*$#& to hell and back without a sliver of mercy in sight and kill your readers in the process. Damn you J, damn youuuuuuuu!

    *waves fists in air while recovering from choking*

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  12. This is a HUGE step up from the craptastic-pop disaster that was "Busy Doing Nothing". She needs to stick to R&B and stay there. This song suits her more and I do hope she manages to get airplay from this release.

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  13. This is great news. Lord knows japan needs to take care of dem grills. Who knows? Maybe all of this work Nakata is doing for dental hygiene companies will inspire him to get his own grill fixed.

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  14. DAT CHOKING GIF IS MY EVERYTHING OMG LOL

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  15. Now that you say that, it actually kinda does...

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  16. lets just not forget that the whole hat thingy was done before by jamirquai (the singer of this band:P)

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  17. I like ariana I really do but the dance. There are countless of singers who perform without dancing and there stage presence is amazing. She needs to go back to the drawing board and rewatch all the performers she claims to admire and learn.

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  18. I love pharrell and i am glad he is doing so well

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  19. the single has been dropped

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  20. And she had me up until the "rap"… That's when she should've called a favor in to get VERBAL or some "2 Chainz" or "Iamsu!" on that part… :(

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  21. Agree that food rap was unwanted but #Yokohamaratchetpop

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  22. starlightshimmersMay 12, 2014 at 8:45 AM

    Ariana Grande is so fake, any clever person can see that.

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  23. Lmfaoooooo, that pic of Namie, please nooooo, I'm gagging and crying at the same time, looks like Miss. Amuro is frickin high

    But anyway, Ariana, girl what are you doing, those dance moves, smh.. either Nicole Scherzinger/PCD had to be Ariana's choreographer or iCarly.

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  24. Off topic and kinda shade throwing, buuutt.... I sent this blog a fan and suggestion email like a month ago and didn't get anything back in response. WTH? Do you not listen to your fans unless they comment or something?

    ReplyDelete
  25. And he's obligated to respond to you, why? Listen to and implement your suggestion, why?

    The short answer is yes. Don't nobody know you. lol

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  26. Boo, you lied because you rarely talk about Chinese music. >.>

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  27. RandomJ

    I await your take on this little nugget of Adamantium.

    http://tmz.vo.llnwd.net/e2//now/stitched/mp4/dd04fb63-53af-417a-be12-2abf285306e6/00000000-0000-0000-0000-000000000000/8c913e59-c00a-4d37-925b-27b6ed698fcc/f8a9ace1-9a2a-40a4-8646-95a419862346/0/0/58/354324627/content.mp4

    And this

    http://m.tmz.com/#Article/2014/05/12/jay-z-solange-fight-elevator-video-beyonce-met-gala

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  28. So it's perfectly okay for him to ignore the people who take the time to read and follow the stuff he writes? Lolok. That's what people hate most in a person with some level of fame... nobody likes a celebrity who ignores they fans.

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  29. starlightshimmersMay 13, 2014 at 8:21 AM

    Nicole can dance really well though, she has the Hawaiian hula thing going for her.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-vTaktsUSw

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  30. starlightshimmersMay 13, 2014 at 8:22 AM

    Nicole can dance really well though, she has the Hawaiian hula thing going for her. I'm going to bet on iCarly or Shake It Up.

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  31. I actually mean The Pussycat Dolls which was pretty much Nicole Scherzinger, vocally. I think the PCD dance moves were basic, imo..

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  32. starlightshimmersMay 13, 2014 at 5:49 PM

    PCD dances moves were basic, its true LOL. Such a hot mess. The only saving grace was Nicole's vocals that's it XD.

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  33. [IMG]http://i61.tinypic.com/2ez4f10.jpg[/IMG]

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  34. I reply to tweets sent to me by my readers, reply to comments on this blog from my readers and have responded to many e-mails which have been sent to me from fans and followers of mine.



    Calm...down.


    If you want to send whatever it was you e-mailed me 'a month ago' then feel free.

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  35. Never. That shrapnel grill and his fried blonde hair is the course of his music.

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  36. What a mess.. looks like she threw this together last night.

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  37. Britney was never anything special. If you must compare her to someone from the West, she's the korean Michael Jackson.
    And I like both songs. Waiting for the album :)
    Oh yeah, I think Hurricane Venus is her best album to date, but "Only One" song a vid was the best thing I've seen in a while. Sorry you can't agree.

    ReplyDelete

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