Beyoncé is PREGNANT!

Beyoncé is PREGNANT! | News
Everybody. Big news. The amazonian robot empress from the kingdom of lost wigs (otherwise known as Beyoncé) is pregnant!

Beyoncé is not human. And I question Jay-Z. So this child will probably eject itself out of her vagina as a USB stick and then morph into a little girl. A little girl who has a 90.5% chance of being able to p***y pop in heels and lacefronts by age 6. Have a world tour under her Kitson belt by age 8. Twelve Grammy's by age 10. And will also be known as the best performer, singer and rapper in the whole entire world by age 12. And of course there will be clothing lines, books, DVD's and all that merch shit to keep the paper stacked so high that her Barbie's seriously will not be able to climb it.

Decepticon Carter Knowles is already working on her album from within Beyoncé's womb. Stealing songs from the thoughts of other unborn children. And using Cerebro to save dance videos from YouTube that she can then copy in music videos.

I am genuinely happy for B and Jay. Although I don't think Beyoncé truly realizes how this pregnancy will try its damndest to stop her from doing shit. But we all know she'll fight it. Russell Crowe's hustle in The Gladiator is about to get shamed over the next 10 months.

There's been no word of a world tour to support Beyoncé's fourth studio album 4 as of yet. You would think pregnancy would mean a world tour is out the window. But this is Beyoncé we're dealing with. The only two things that can stop this woman are a perfect clone in Adamantium shielding and a volcano. Live nation will probably announce 4 world tour dates in 2 weeks. You best believe Beyoncé will not sit at home and get caught papped with shopping trollies and shit. This bitch will keep it MOVING! The 4 world tour is happening. Ticketmaster know what time it is.

If Decepticon Carter Knowles inherits both B and Jay's talent and hustle, and only Beyonce's looks; then every damn wig, pair of Stunna's, New era caps and hair extension will well and truly be snatched by this child.

With Beyoncé's pregnancy now confirmed, Amerie and Michelle Williams are now free to schedule their album release dates.


  1. This entire post is LOL worthy! XD

  2. HAHA! Best laugh I've had all day! And, really nice work on the layout.

  3. omg. i laughed so much. it's really funny but we all know there is a lot of truth behind those words.
    anyways i think she will not tour for '4'. deception will be "released" in about six months so there is just no time at all.


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