Beyoncé to be paid loads of money to act like she loves Pepsi

The Amazonian empress from the kingdom of lost wigs and song-writing credits has signed a multi-million deal (reportedly $50 million) with Pepsi. In short, Beyoncé will receive a Legend of Zelda style treasure chest of money on a daily basis to occasionally be seen with a can of Pepsi, feature one in a couple of her music videos and have her face plastered on the cans. A stark contrast to the woman who was scissor legging in a school cafeteria urging fat children to lose weight 2 years ago.

Jonathan Salem Baskin published an amazing article on Forbes on why this deal won't do much in the way of pushing neither the Pepsi or Beyoncé brand. But Pepsi see it as a way of being tied to a global mega star and Beyoncé gets paid. That's all the 2 seem to really care about. None of this will translate into additional beverage or album sales for Beyoncé. Unless we get some buy a multi-pack of Pepsi and get 5 dollars off of Beyoncé's album when purchased at Wal-Mart or some shit - which is not out of the realm of possibility. Taylor Swift was giving her Red album away with pizzas and Lady Gaga was whoring out Born this way for 99p with hard drives on Amazon. So anything is possible in this day in age where album distribution deals are concerned.

I can already envision how tacky this product placement is going to be. Beyoncé shouting "STOP!" during her Super bowl half-time performance, as the spotlight hits her, the stadium goes dark and she is handed a can of Pepsi to drink seductively before kicking starting a performance of [insert incessant horn blaring, hand clap, 808 and scream ridden song here].

If Pepsi paid me millions of dollars, you can bet my ass would love it. You would never catch me outside in public without a bottle of Pepsi and my Instagram account would be straight up pictures of Pepsi bottles with a Nashville filter. I'd even shade Coca Cola so that Pepsi know I'm serious about that dolla.