Beyoncé to be paid loads of money to act like she loves Pepsi

Beyoncé to be paid loads of money to act like she loves Pepsi |

The Amazonian empress from the kingdom of lost wigs and song-writing credits has signed a multi-million deal (reportedly $50 million) with Pepsi. In short, Beyoncé will receive a Legend of Zelda style treasure chest of money on a daily basis to occasionally be seen with a can of Pepsi, feature one in a couple of her music videos and have her face plastered on the cans. A stark contrast to the woman who was scissor legging in a school cafeteria urging fat children to lose weight 2 years ago.

Jonathan Salem Baskin published an amazing article on Forbes on why this deal won't do much in the way of pushing neither the Pepsi or Beyoncé brand. But Pepsi see it as a way of being tied to a global mega star and Beyoncé gets paid. That's all the 2 seem to really care about. None of this will translate into additional beverage or album sales for Beyoncé. Unless we get some buy a multi-pack of Pepsi and get 5 dollars off of Beyoncé's album when purchased at Wal-Mart or some shit - which is not out of the realm of possibility. Taylor Swift was giving her Red album away with pizzas and Lady Gaga was whoring out Born this way for 99p with hard drives on Amazon. So anything is possible in this day in age where album distribution deals are concerned.

I can already envision how tacky this product placement is going to be. Beyoncé shouting "STOP!" during her Super bowl half-time performance, as the spotlight hits her, the stadium goes dark and she is handed a can of Pepsi to drink seductively before kicking starting a performance of [insert incessant horn blaring, hand clap, 808 and scream ridden song here].

If Pepsi paid me millions of dollars, you can bet my ass would love it. You would never catch me outside in public without a bottle of Pepsi and my Instagram account would be straight up pictures of Pepsi bottles with a Nashville filter. I'd even shade Coca Cola so that Pepsi know I'm serious about that dolla.


  1. Pepsi > Coca Cola

    but wtffff, Does someone in charge at Pepsi not realise that Beyonce's last album flopped???

    I mean... WHO thought $50m was appropriate?! I can't think of anyone out at the moment that's worth that amount and Pepsi aint gonna push her next album either so... They may as well have spent that Money on something better... for $50m Kumi would sit on a can of Pepsi and shoot out the ring pull during superbowl lol

    1. Kumi would suck Pepsi up into her vagina, blast it onto the floor and spin in that shit like Christina Milian in "Dip it low" for a couple thou let alone millions.

  2. Soda is terrible for you and so is BeYAWNce so............


  3. What a terrible article.

    Not yours, but the one you linked.

    It's not well written, it just points out the fact that Pepsi's sales are dropping, and gives NO REASON or numbers as to why celebrity marketing would fail.

    It's an age old trick all right, but it's a trick that works wonders. You see it done with makeup, shoes, soda, car dealerships YOU NAME IT. There is a reason this guy is writing articles for Forbes (not even officially, he is a contributor, not paid) and not running marketing for Pepsi.

    I know I sure as hell would pick up a Pepsi can just so I can walk to class with Queen Bee in my hand.

    1. You can't be serious though.

    2. Call me up when you run a multi billion dollar company and THEN you can write an article on a form of marketing that is used everywhere and in everything.

    3. Call me when Beyonce runs anything herself other than her ass to the new lacefront store once every decade.


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