The pop star formerly known as Britney kicks off her Vegas residency. No fucks. No life.

The pop star formerly known as Britney Spears kicked off her Las Vegas residency a couple of days ago and fan shot vids are already all over YouTube, as are the Britney stan army dying in the comments over how 'on point' her dancing is and calling anybody who dares state the obvious (that she's miming and her dancing is far from on-point') a troll and a c**t.

Homegirl should have called her Vegas residency The walking dead, because that's literally what she is for the entire set. Ain't no green herb that can save this woman now.

The one thing I have always said about Britney is that it's not just her dancing ability which has vanished, but her swagger and demeanour. Britney used to be able to captivate with a stage performance without really dancing at all because every movement she made was sharp and full of confidence. But now Britney just looks confused, irrelevant and her moves are as sloppy as Joe. Watching her now it's difficult to believe this is the same girl who used to always give 110% on stage and light that shit up.

Britney miming for me isn't a big deal, because she's always mimed. Where I stand on the deal with miming is that if you mime, you need to dance your fucking arse off and give me a strong stage performance. Miming isn't the dirty word it once was, because lots of artists do it. Some don't bother trying to mask the fact they're miming (Britney Spears), whilst others are masters at leading you to believe they're singing live some of the time when they in fact aren't (Beyoncé and Brandy).

My whole thing stems from Britney miming and barely dancing. An argument for Britney's case for miming in the past was that she was always immensely physical on stage. But now the extent of Britney's movement on stage is walking to the left and then walking to the right. If fans are lucky, she might bother to attempt some of the choreography that her dancers got bruised, battered and ill trying to learn and perfect.

For comparisons sake, let's take a look at Britney performing "Toxic" during her Piece of me gig and Britney performing "Toxic" 9 years ago on her Onyx hotel tour. Bear in mind that her Onyx hotel performance of "Toxic" features less choreography than that of her Vegas performance and that she only dances for 20 seconds.

Britney performs "Toxic" on her Piece of me gig

Britney performs "Toxic" on her Onyx hotel gig

Britney gave more whipping her weave and simulating sex atop of that bus than Deadney gave for the duration of her entire performance on her Piece of me set. This woman is so lazy that she actually had her dancers hold her and move her limbs for her at one point. What in the hell!? The cheek of her to be singing about how she wants to dance till her body aches on her new album, when she's not even willing to dance at all.

Britney needs to go get her life or just retire. She ain't got it like she used to and she doesn't seem to care. I'm not buying the whole 'But that performance was 9 years ago' and 'She's older and has kids now' - because Beyoncé and Madonna are both older now and have had children, yet they still sweat those hair pieces out on stage, actually dance and own that stage like they still live for the applause. Britney, no.

Album reviews: Blackout | Circus | Femme fatale | Britney Jean


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