Flashback Friday: Hikaru Utada - Heart station | Trying to tune into Jesus

This week marked the 11th anniversary of Hikaru Utada's 5th Japanese language studio album Heart station. So it's only right to look back on the album title track.

Heart station marked a weird phase in Hikaru Utada's career for me, because I wasn't wholly invested in it. Two of the songs to come out of Heart station I only listened to because I happened to be watching the two Japanese dramas that featured them (Hana yori dango 2 which featured "Flavor of life" and Last friends which featured "Prisoner of love") and both shows plays the songs TO DEATH.

I'm not sure what it was about the music that Hikaru Utada had put out after she'd drawn a line under Ultra blue, but nothing from what would eventually become Heart station really caught my attention in the same way that her music had done prior. It wasn't that any of the music was bad. It just didn't command any of my attention. It wasn't until quite some time after Heart station had been out that I actually listened to the album and that was actually the first time I'd heard the album title track, because I wholly ignored it when it released a month prior alongside "Stay gold". And it was one of those instances where I couldn't believe I didn't bother listening to it the first time around, because "Heart station" wound up being one of my favourite songs on the album.

Hikaru Utada made it pretty clear with Ultra blue that HikaR&B was pretty much dead. I had no problem with it, because the music was still stellar and her vocal style was better suited to her more alternative styles than it was R&B. Ultra blue is one of Hikaru Utada's best albums hands down and I love the direction that she took the sound. But there was definitely a comfort in hearing Hikaru return somewhat to R&B (kinda) for "Heart station". It felt like a nice sweet spot that still retained the sound of Ultra blue, but with an R&B vibe that hearkened back to her older material. I'm all about that bassline.

But chile, the music video. When I'd heard that Hikaru had divorced from her husband, Kiriya Kazuaki, my immediate response wasn't even 'I hope a bitch is okay'. It was 'Lawd, what's gonna happen to the visuals!?' Because her husband had shot all of her album covers and many of her music videos, which had become classics and given Hikaru an almost signature visual style. So "Heart station" really stuck out. In comparison to the boldness and character we usually got with a Hikaru music video, this shit was stale and had nothing to it. It would have been more interesting to watch a regular person lip sync to the song on the Yamanote line during rush hour.

But the lackadaisical approach to the music video was kinda reflective of the album. Not in terms of quality, but just the overall feel. Heart station had this whole other energy about it that made it feel different to any of Hikaru Utada's other albums. One could assume that it was due to the separation from her husband which may have left Hikaru feeling somewhat hollow. But whatever the real tea on the situation was, this album was why I wasn't surprised when Hikaru Utada announced that she'd be going on hiatus. She seemed kinda done with, well...everything. The music hadn't suffered by any means. I like Heart station. It doesn't feature a single bad song. But the energy surrounding it was different, which I'm willing to chalk up to it coming in the midst / the tail end of Hikaru Utada losing something (her marriage), where-as her other albums were created in the midst of her gaining or discovering something. With First love she was discovering her craft. With Distance she was discovering becoming a woman. With Deep river she was discovering life as being somebody's wife. With Ultra blue she was discovering the spectrum of love and existence. Even with Fantôme. Despite losing her mother, she gained the understanding of the love that binds a parent and a child. And with Hatsukoi she discovered herself again. With Heart station she just seemed kinda done with it. All Hikaru was here for was to cash those Evangelion cheques and bounce.

"Heart station", both the song and the music video retrospectively feels like a strange forewarning of what would transpire in her life. The song is about saying goodbye and still trying to reach somebody and maintain their presence in your life, which feels more poignant with Hikaru's mother commuting suicide in 2013. Hikaru being on a train and it being in limbo felt like a read of why she went on hiatus; to find out which direction she should take her life. There's definitely more to this song looking back on it than just Hikaru Utada trying to tune into Jesus FM and Kami 90.6 radio.