Random J(unk) Mail: 30.10.22 - Tay, Rih, Bey, Purr and Bay

Members of the UK government should not be left to their own devices, they come with prices and vices. And we end up in a cost of living crisis.

Random J(unk) Mail is a weekly roundup of whatever the fuck. A collection of things that I was too lazy to make individual posts on. Or just small things that I didn’t think warranted a post, but I still wanted to share thoughts on. I’m gonna try to do this weekly. But those of you who have been here for a minute know my ass is lazy.

Hello people.

The world continues to burn. The UK is switching out Prime ministers like Marvel vs. Capcom tag-teams. But at least Swifties, members of the Navy (not the military Navy) and the Beyhive are all eating good during this cost of living crisis.

T-Milli Vanilla
So, Taylor Swift released an album which has broken a whole bunch of records and stuff. It’s crazy that she is still able to do the numbers that she does. There aren’t many artists in this day and age who can still pull big numbers. Even the game vets struggle to make noticeable dents on the charts these days. Say what you will about Taylor, but her numbers are not to be scoffed at. 

What do I think of Midnights…

I really like the music videos. Glad to see a bitch is content and fully in her own groove. But that album is boring.

— Phantom J (@_RandomJ_) October 25, 2022

Review soon come.

Sephora store opening in Wakanda
Y’all will never guess who actually released a new song!? That makeup and lingerie woman.

Fenty Beauty released a brand new song “Lift Me Up” for Marvel Studios’ sequel to 2018’s Black Panther. Some fans seemed to be disappointed at the song and the music video, because Fenty Lingerie wasn’t popping her pussy in a fishnet dress with no bra on, and singing about how M’Baku needs to eat her pussy like it’s the Heart-Shaped herb.

Sweetie. Context.

The song was never going to be “Wakandan Work”, “Don’t Stop the Vibranium” or “Killmonger it Better”, because the Black Panther sequel addresses the death of T’Challa in complete parallel to the passing of Chadwick Boseman, who rose to global fame in the role. The film is effectively a send off. So we were always going to get something slow with nary a beat you can whine to. Not even a little bit. Not even a sad whine.

Fenty Furniture has recorded two songs for Black Panther: Wakanda Forever, and I urge fans to not pin hopes on the second song being a pum-pum patter neither.

P³
The members of Perfume now have their own individual public Instagram accounts! I say public, because I know damn well that a-chan and Kashiyuka be out here with finsta’s. Nocchi doesn’t, because she’s still about that Ameba life.

Each member of Perfume now has their own niche solo gig, completely separate from all things Perfume are known for, catering to completely different audiences. So it makes sense to push these solo endeavours on individual accounts. a-chan regularly co-hosts the romance equivalent of Terrace House. Kashiyuka stands around creepily watching people make ceramics. And Nocchi pulls up to video game studios and does video game shit. So, we know what we’re gonna get with each of these Insta accounts. a-chan is gonna post pictures of her dresses, her nails and that damn dog. Kashiyuka is gonna post pictures of bowls, plates and her cat. Nocchi is gonna use Insta how Hikaru Utada uses Insta. Nothing promotional. Just pictures of her sneakers and her Nintendo Switch, with random ass captions which have nothing to do with anything. a-chan and Kashiyuka will make sure to post promo for when Perfume has new shit on the way, but Nocchi won’t. That woman does not give a damn. Nocchi is like ‘I turn up and do what I need to. If I’m not on the stage and the heels ain’t on, leave me be’. It’s why Nocchi is that bitch. She was paying attention at Amuro Academy.

As I type this, Nocchi has the most Instagram followers of the trio. So expect a-chan to be more passive aggressive towards Nocchi than usual at the next P.T.A Corner.

📷 Perfume on Instagram: 👠 a-chan | 👩🏻 Kashiyuka | 🍙 Nocchi

Baby come over. Come be broke with me tonight.
The Internet also found out that Beyoncé is going on tour next year. Because Beyoncé is Beyoncé, there was no proper announcement. And as I post this, there is still no announcement. Instead video footage of an auction at an annual gala that Beyonce’s mother runs hit the Internet. And one of the auctioned items was an exclusive experience at Beyonce’s 2023 Summer tour. The Beyhive are still broke from buying all the Renaissance mystery boxes and every edition of the album available. Some Beyhive members are still paying off the interest on those loans they took out to attend 2016’s The Formation World Tour. And now y’all about to be broke all over again.

I’ve already made peace with the fact that I probably won’t get tickets to the Renaissance tour, because I just know how fast they will sell out. And if the tickets are going on sale via Ticketmaster, then I absolutely will not be getting tickets. I have a lifetime refusal to give Ticketmaster any of my money after they fucked up my Hikaru Utada tickets. They will never see a penny of my money again.

No 4K for Bayonetta 3
Whilst I don’t game anywhere near as much as I used to, I still refer to myself as a gamer, because I do stay up on the gaming entertainment news. And lawd, did we get some news recently. Hellena Taylor, the (former) voice actress for the gone toting, sex positive icon that is Bayonetta, tweeted out a video asking Bayonetta fans to boycott the third game in the series, because Platinum Games low-balled her voice acting fee. Fans rallied around this woman and took her word as face value because…what reason would they have not to? But days later, talk of receipts that Hellena conveniently omitted details and a few figures off of what she was offered had surfaced. And in the words of Karlie from Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta...

The tables turned on a bitch REAL fast. Because not only did it come to light that Hellena was being selective with ‘the truth’, but it turns out she is a TERF, is anti-abortion, and supports Blue Lives Matter. So, in trying to torpedo a game and have everybody claim that she will forever and always be THE Bayonetta, and have everybody shit on her replacement; the voice acting icon that is Jennifer Hale, Hellena has now had her skeletons come tap-dancing out of the closet, has a whole lot less fans, has completely ruined her career, and has everybody wanting her replacement, Jennifer ‘I stay booked voicing everybody’ Hale to re-voice Bayonetta for the first two games.

Good luck to Hellena and her future gofundme. Maybe J.K Rowling can throw some coins in that shit for her.

What the fuck has Bayonetta got to do with music J?!

A very fair question. So let me finagle this shit.

A cover of the 50s classic “Fly Me to the Moon” was used a theme song in the very first Bayonetta game in 2009. A song which J-pop star Hikaru Utada had also covered back in 2000. The song “Something Missing” by British-Japanese pop star MiChi (one of my favourite MiChi songs), was used in the Japanese TV commercial for the first Bayonetta game.

IT’S ALL CONNECTED.

Have a non-miserable day.
?J