Random J(unk) Mail: 17.11.25 - Re: Billboard charts? Where is she!?

If you got hits, then you better put ‘em up

Random J(unk) Mail is a weekly roundup of whatever the fuck. A collection of things that I was too lazy to make individual posts on. Or just small things that I didn’t think warranted a post, but I still wanted to share thoughts on. I’m gonna try to do this weekly. But those of you who have been here for a minute know my ass is lazy.

It’s been 84 years since I hit you with some J(unk) Mail. I could lie and say these probably went into your span folder. But in addition to being too lazy to e-mail you regularly, I’m also too lazy to lie. And it also seem that some folk are too lazy to promote, A&R and executive produce albums properly.

Katy Perry comes back, back, BACK again.

With Katy Perry’s comeback album 143 declared a flop and her relationship with Legolas in the side mirror of her Harley in Hawaii, Katy Perry figured ‘Let’s try and “Piece of Me” this bitch’. So she released a new single “Bandaids” about being a casualty of love. It really is unfortunate how much damage 143 did to Katy’s brand at a point when that shit was still dinged and dented from Witness and Smile, because “Bandaids” is a decent song. But the general public just seems over Katy and aren’t willing to give her any more chances — especially when you have an act like Sabrina Carpenter occupying the sticky pop space that Katy was once the queen of. “Bandaids” might be too little too late. But judging from this song, Katy at least seems to have learned her lesson is presenting herself in a way which still feels very Katy Perry, but in a way which works for her right now. Katy and her record label are going to want hits. But I think their plan of action should be to just have Katy release good songs and build up critical acclaim and have her music tick over enough that she can still tour and do shows. Katy and her team have to manage their expectations, because the landscape of music is so different now. There is just no chance of her releasing an album that will do anything close to what Teenage Dream did, so she should stop chasing that and just focus on putting out good music.

There’s no word on whether “Bandaids” is for a re-release of 143 or if it’s for a new album. If I were Katy I would just push ahead with a new album. Draw a line under 143 as soon as its accompanying tour is over.

A-chan is a married woman

A-chan announced on Instagram that she is now a married woman. Needless to say, this news knocked everybody sideways. I thought we’d get an announcement like this after January 1 when them cold sleep machines switched on and them ugly outfits which are traipsing up and down the country for the Costume Museum were in storage. But I guess Perfume checked out and said ‘Fuck it’ as soon as that second night at the Tokyo Dome was done. I can’t help but wonder ‘Why announce your marriage now?’. But also, ‘Why not?’. I guess wow we know who has been taking all of a-chan’s holiday photos.

Many speculated that a big part of why Perfume opted to finally go on hiatus was so they had the opportunity to settle down and a-chan said ‘Bet’. Congratulations to her. Part of me wonders if her sister getting married before her and seeing Kyary married with a family and still with a career (kinda) made her say ‘Fuck it’. Japanese culture still places a great emphasis on the whole ‘women should marry’ bullshit, with a pressure put on them to do it by 40 years old. And ‘naturally’, the next thing after that is to have children. But there is also somewhat of an expectation that a woman should put her career on hold once she does marry and become a mother. It’s antiquated, but it is changing. There are many women in Japanese entertainment who are 40+ and not married. And many women who are married with children and still out here with very active careers. Birth rates in Japan are extremely low, so clearly there are generations of people who don’t subscribe to the notion that they should kekkon and get ninshin.

I went slightly off topic. But I’m happy for a-chan. Perfume has been a-chan’s entire life for so long. And knowing that she was in a relationship for years through what was Perfume’s most insane stretches of non-stop back-to-back gigs and music releases — it makes the hiatus all the more necessary. Because what time did she even have for that man!? And there would have been no way for her to have had a baby with the way Perfume’s schedule was stacked. This really is a necessary reminder of the sacrifices Perfume made and how much they were putting their lives on hold for the sake of Perfume and their fans. So HUGE congrats to a-chan and her unnamed husband.

It’s also really fire that a-chan was able to be in a relationship for years, get married to somebody, and have nobody in the media or the fandom know until she mentioned it.

Gen A homosexuals discover new old information about Confessions on a Dance Floor

To celebrate the 10th anniversary of Madonna’s widely lauded tenth studio album, Confessions on a Dance Floor, a 20 Years Edition of it was released to streaming, which came with some new shit. Fans finally got “Fighting Spirit” and “Super Pop” — bonus tracks which were previously only available on selected physical editions of the album, some remixes of “Hung Up” that nobody is gonna listen to and the 12 main songs of the album as one continuous mix. Fans of Confessions on a Dance Floor were aghast and elated that their favourite album was re-released with cool new transitions between the songs. And then there were the old bitches like me who remember when Confessions on a Dance Floor first released, listened to it on CD and know that the continuous mix version of the album is the original version of the album.

It really does blow my mind that there were generations of Madonna fans who loved Confessions on a Dance Floor, yet had no idea that a continuous mix version of the album existed. And that it is not some special edition of the album, but in fact THE ORIGINAL VERSION of the album. And whilst it’s easy to drag younger fans and tell them to use Google, there is a reason why the continuous mix version of Confessions on a Dance Floor was not the version everybody was aware of.

When Confessions on a Dance Floor first released, the CD version of the album was the continuous mix version of the album. There was no alternate version, no bonus edition which had this mix. It was the only version of the album on CD. The existence of a version of the album which had tweaked intros and outros ending cleanly or on a fade was due to a lil’ something at the time called iTunes. iTunes was a new thing that artists and labels had to take note of and embrace — in a bid to try and urge those who were downloading music from LimeWire and WinMX to instead download musically legally and support artists. But gapless playback was not a thing on iTunes back then. So a revised version of Confessions on a Dance Floor which featured altered intros and endings was also released to the platform. So, two versions of the album were in existence, digitally. However, once streaming hit, the continuous mix version of Confessions on a Dance Floor wound up getting replaced by the edited version. Reason? Unknown. So for years, many younger fans who were either new to Madonna or saw Confessions on a Dance Floor crop up in a lot of conversations about great pop albums and decided to see what the fuss was about — this edited version of the album was the version they would have heard first. How on earth would they know that this wasn’t the original version of the album?

I will admit, I get a bit of a kick out of seeing the reactions from younger fans who are only now discovering this whole other version of Confessions on a Dance Floor. The transitions were such a huge part of that album, it’s hard to imagine listening to it without them. And it’s shit like this which really makes re-releases of albums worthwhile — especially if it includes an element of an album which wound up lost to time.

Hikaremix Utada

Hikaru Utada is repeating their “Electricity” remix rollout, by giving their single “Mine or Yours” the same treatment. I would have been excited about this if the remixes for “Electricity” were generally good, but…they were not. And the remixes for that we’ve gotten so far are also not particularly noteworthy. They were all pretty middling and badly mixed, shockingly so. And Hikaru wasn’t really a focus on any of them.

There have been some amazing remixes of Hikaru Utada’s songs over the years. So many in fact, that I’m surprised we haven’t gotten a remix album yet. But given that Hikaru’s last couple of singles have come with remixes, a remix album seems more likely now than every. Some of the remixes to we’ve gotten in the past were so good that I played them over the originals. I personally still prefer the PlanitB remix of “Hikari” over the original. I play the Scumfrog remix of “Devil Inside” over the original. I play the remix of “Exodus’04 ” over the original. And I know many a fan plays the M-Flo remix of “Distance” over the original.

These remixes we’re getting at the moment are dusty, but I still like that we’re getting them. It’s a cool way to extend the life of a single for an artist who doesn’t really promote, nor do the television show circuit to perform.

Halle’s debut album is certified pebble unda di sea

Halle Bailey released her debut album a few weeks ago. If you’re relatively plugged into pop and R&B, yet had no idea she had dropped an album, then you are in good company. Because Halle’s album sound around 4.7k in its first week.

Lawd.

Certified pebble unda di sea.

I found out about Halle’s album releasing via a random tweet on Twitter. I had no idea her album finally had a date or anything. I had been kinda following her single releases. But they were so random and spread out, and none of them got proper promo. Each single came and went with such little fanfare, that I eventually tailed off of keeping up with Halle’s releases. It wasn’t that the singles were bad. There just wasn’t enough momentum with any of them to keep me interested. And there was no news on an album. Halle’s team was treating her album rollout like she was a Japanese artist. This ‘singles over 3 years shit’ does not work in the US. I think it could with the right team and a proper strategy — but it’s clear that the right team and any form of strategy were not at play when it came to Halle.

Chloe and Halle’s solo career have both been handled terribly. But the sign was the Ungodly Hour rollout. That shit started so incredibly strong. Chloe and Halle’s team were truly finessing the pandemic rollout. But the bottom fell out of everything so quickly after “Do It”. They went with “Forgive Me” as a follow up to “Do It” when it should have been “Ungodly Hour”. And they sat on “Ungodly Hour” for far too long. And then for “Busy Boy” to not be a commercial single? Mess.

I hope Chloe and Halle are able to course correct, because they are both incredibly talented. It would be a shame to see their music careers just fade to nothing. They really do need to just get to work on a new Chloe x Halle album, because that’s what the people want. They both went solo far too early. We should have gotten at least another Chloe x Halle album before all dis.

I will be reviewing Halle’s album at some point. At the rate at which I’m going with album reviews, look out for that in 2027.

Crystal Kay and Dallas Austin is what we need in 2026.

Crystal Kay gave us a cute lil’ dump of photos on her Insta and one photo caught my attention. A photo of Crystal and Dallas Austin.

Now, Dallas Austin is such an interesting talent. Because his name is probably known amongst a bunch of different fanbases, who do not always intersect. So, you may know of Dallas Austin through his work with TLC. But somebody else might know of Dallas Austin through his work with Madonna and her album, Bedtime Stories. But another person may know of Dallas Austin through Gwen Stefani’s song “Cool”. But then, someone else might know of Dallas Austin through P!nk’s “Just Like a Pill”. But there is also a chance that somebody knows of Dallas Austin through Blu Cantrell’s “Hit ‘em Up”. But then another person might know Dallas Austin through Namie’s “Something ‘bout the Kiss” and “Put ‘em Up”. Dallas gets AROUND and he dips into every imaginable circle.

I’ve often sat and thought about which songwriters and producers would be a good fit for Crystal. And shocking, Dallas was never a name which came to mind. And really I don’t know how, because he would be such a great fit for Crystal. She could do ANY type of song she wanted with Dallas and he could make it work and hit in a way that feels right. Because a big problem with Crystal’s music right now is that it just doesn’t feel right. But Dallas could fix that. And he would be a great choice to help Crystal shape an album which feels like a successor to Vivid — something which is a bit of everything, but is still cohesive and has character — because a big part of Dallas’ productions is that they always have character, which demands the artist to match that. This is the sort of album Crystal needs right now. Something with character which says something about her and where she is right now. And her working with Dallas Austin would be a great PR story, in addition to building a great case for said album to be soft released in America — given that she is signed to Universal Music and has now toured North America.

And to fold in something else — Michico, the writer of the Japanese lyrics for Namie’s “Put ‘em Up”, who would then go on to write a bunch of songs for Namie — lives in Atlanta, where Dallas also lives. And before Michico became Namie’s pen, she was Crystal’s. So, the long history of Crystal and Michico and that Michico had worked with Dallas and that she had written numerous songs for Crystal and Namie would also be a great PR story.

Crystal. Girl. Dallas Austin, as a producer on an upcoming album. Make it happen.

Speaking of an album — when are we getting one? How has it been 7 years since we last got an original studio album!?

Girl. Fire the whole management and marketing team.

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So. What’s the lesson in this week’s Random J(unk) Mail?

Flopping is just a part of life. You don’t choose the flop life.The flop life chooses you.

And on a personal / admin related note — I know updates on here have been slow lately. NOTHING NEW THERE. But sometimes life decides its gonna Street Fight you on a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. And sometimes a bitch is lazy.I know there are reviews of certain albums y’all are waiting on and I PROMISE they will be posted in December. December you will get all of the reviews from me. But until then…

Have a floptastic day.
?J