Madonna circles the block in her leotard, fishnets and Gina pumps for a follow-up to Confessions on a Dance Floor II. And girl... I get it.

So, Madonna has officially announced her new album, Confessions on a Dancefloor 2, COAD2, Confessions II. Pick your preference, because currently the album is going by all 3 titles. But Confessions II is the one on the album covers.

Madonna’s 15th studio album being a sequel to her widely considered 2005 classic Confessions on a Dance Floor is hardly a surprise to fans, as Madonna has been teasing it for years now. But now it’s OFFICIAL official.

Initially, I was a bit torn on this. But I get why Madonna is doing it. And have come around that it’s probably the best thing for her to do right now.

I’m an old crusty bitch when it comes to music. And as much as I cuss out and complain about how music is today compared to ‘the good old days’, I have to remind myself that ‘This is the way that it is now, I guess’ and that things are different. The way that people consume music is very different. Who this younger generation regards as great artists and ‘icons’ is different. The bar for excellence is different. The reverence which is held is also different. Fan culture is different. And nothing quite makes you realise the generational differences like seeing a lot of these pop tier lists that these young’ns post or a general lack of awareness of certain icons within music, who shaped so much of what music continues to be now.

Madonna sits in a weird place though. She is always included in the aforementioned tier lists at the very top, so there is an awareness of her status in pop. But whilst the younger generation is aware of Madonna’s impact on pop music and pop culture as a whole, I don’t think there is much knowledge of her discography. But the one album that they do know is Confessions on a Dance Floor. This is the one album of Madonna’s which spans generations and audiences more than any of her others. Madonna’s OG old bitch fans (not a diss, I’m an old bitch too. Kiss-kiss) know of it. But younger fans know of it too, because it’s an album which is regularly cited in pop conversations and discussions which have nothing to do with Madonna. Whenever there are lists of the best pop albums of the last 3 decades, Confessions on a Dance Floor is mentioned. Whenever there are discussions of the best dance albums of the last 3 decades, Confessions on a Dance Floor is mentioned. Whenever there are lists of the best pop comebacks of the last 3 decades, Confessions on a Dance Floor is mentioned. When one of the younger pop girls releases an album which touches on dance and disco, Confessions on a Dance Floor is mentioned. Whenever Stuart Price is named as a producer on an album, Confessions on a Dance Floor is mentioned. ‘Oh, Stuart Price produced songs on Duolingo’s Future Nostalgia?’. Confessions on a Dance Floor is mentioned. ‘Oh, Stuart Price executive produced Kylie Minogue’s Aphrodite?’. Confessions on a Dance Floor is mentioned. ‘Oh, Stuart Price produced songs on Rina Sawayama’s Hold the Girl?’. Confessions on a Dance Floor is mentioned. ‘Oh, Stuart Price produced songs on Jessie Ware’s That! Feels Good!?’. Confessions on a Dance Floor is mentioned. ‘Has ABBA ever let anybody sample their songs before?’. Confessions on a Dance Floor is mentioned.

Confessions on a Dance Floor became bigger than Madonna. It’s like its own thing now. Kinda like how that symbiote shit in Spider-Man became sentient. Confessions on a Dance Floor is like Venom. Except he’s pink and wears a leotard and an orange Farrah Fawcet wig.

Madonna - Confessions II | Warner Records

Over the last 10 years Madonna has really tried her damndest to appeal to younger audiences. To still appear ‘hip’ and ‘with it’. To say some of these attempts have been catastrophic would be a tad hyperbolic, but I’mma say it anyway. Some of these attempts have been catastrophic. Some of you love “Bitch I’m Madonna” and that’s cute. But I think that song and music video are absolutely terrible. And then there are all of the random remixes she’s released of songs with Swae Lee and whichever other artist her kids have told her are popular on the TikTok. It’s drivel. Some attempts have been awful on paper, but good in practice, yet difficult to push - i.e. the album Hard Candy or the song “Future” with Quavo. Some good stuff. But stuff which felt like it was appealing to a whole different audience to the one Madonna usually does. Nothing highlights this more than when Madonna appeared on BET’s 106 & Park to promote her album Hard Candy. But how do you push these sorts of projects effectively, when you are trying to court and target a market who hasn’t been your core audience for decades? It felt too opportunistic to a point that it didn’t feel natural. It felt like a desperate attempt to appeal, and it’s unfortunate — because Hard Candy and “Future” are really good. And whilst Madonna has always been the type of bitch to hop on a bandwagon and ride a trend, it felt a whole lot less obvious in the past. But now you can see the machinations, which kinda ruins the magic and makes each attempt feel a bit desperate and inorganic.

So, the alternative to trying to ‘keep up’ and hop on trends, is to revisit the thing of yours that people keep talking about anyway. The one album that even the youngsters still know and actually like. Confessions on a Dance Floor. And so, here we are.

When it was teased that Madonna was doing a sequel to Confessions on a Dance Floor and she was back in the studio with Stuart Price, I was like ‘Oh no’. Because Stuart Price’s solo productions over the past few years have been pretty hit and miss. Also, I’m just not a fan of artists releasing sequels to albums, because so rarely are they better than the original. [Looks over at Kylie Minogue’s Tension II]. And, here’s what’s gonna get me dragged — I don’t think Confessions on a Dance Floor is even that great of an album. I don’t think it’s one of Madonna’s best. I wouldn’t even rank it in her top 5. And now I’mma really gonna make you sick and tie me to the horses — I actually prefer Hard Candy over it. But I acknowledge that everybody else adores the album, why everybody adores it and the place it holds, so I get why Madonna would do a second Confessions on a Dance Floor 20 years later. But the thing is, my skeptical ass is actually not the problem here. The fans are. Or could be. Because if Confessions II is not good, they are the ones who are going to be crashing out if the album isn’t good and Pitchfork give it a 4.5. And this is the risk that Madonna is running with Confessions II. But for me, because I didn’t think Confessions on a Dance Floor was such a masterpiece, the bar is much lower.

Confessions II is a huge risk, but Madonna’s always been one to take risks. And she honestly has nothing to lose at this point in her career after Hard Candy, MDNA, Rebel Heart and Madame X back-to-back. So, let’s see how it plays out. Part of me kinda wishes that she had titled the album something else, even if spiritually and musically the whole thing is Confessions on a Dance Floor 2. But, algorithms, branding, SEO and all that stuff I guess. So, I get it. And I have to say — so far, the rollout, promo and songs we’ve heard so far have been decent. It’d be great for this album to be really good.

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💿 Madonna album reviews: Hard Candy | Madame X | Confessions On a Dance Floor