Ayumi Hamasaki debuts on the ORICON charts at number 2. The fall off begins...

Ayu mad? My flop sold less copies, still charted higher than Party queen | by Random J

Ayu had a party and you were all invited. But you didn't go. D'ya know how I know this? Because Ayu only debuted on the ORICON album chart at number 2 - breaking her streak of debuting at number 1 on the ORICON daily with an album in her first week.

And in news which will please Kumi and her Kehovah's witnesses Farty queen managed to shift 97,691 in its first week, whilst Ploponesque managed to sell 93,835. But despite Ayu selling more units, Kumi still debuted at number 1. Which means Kumi is cackling in her penthouse suite and popping bottles with her vagina and considering signing up to twitter just to shade Ayu with some congratulatory tweets powered with nothing but side eye.

Whilst Avex initiate crisis talks over their rosters flopping on the charts (Namiserable's "Yeah-oh" also tanked), Hikaru Utada is sat at home playing Professor Layton on her 3DS laughing at all this shit, BoA is pushing back her Avex release indefinitely and Iconiq is sat at a McDonalds drive-thru window wondering why nobody gave two shits about her career and how she can make a living from her pictures on Instagram.

As for what Kumi Hoda, Namiserable and Robot face plan to do - Kumi plans to release some sappy ballad the day her spawn falls out of her vagina, Namiserable will drop that lackluster album followed by a tour to make that money she won't get from album sales and Ayu will drop a mini album by August to precede a marriage to another white man with whom she confuses leeching off of her to make a name for themselves with love. Po' thing.

Ayu stans. Please support your de-crowned queen by purchasing a copy of Party queen. The album is garbage. But don't let that stop you. It's not stopped you before. Although it may have this time. Buy it anyway.

9 comments:

  1. MEH... I don't think it's such a big deal, it didn't break her streak because "Guilty" hit No2 in 2008. I think it's a sign that (Sl)Avex need to rethink the way they're doing their artists though, You can bet that even though Namiserable's singles (minus "Yeah Oh") have been lacklustre that her album sales won't be for the simple fact that unlike Ayu and Kumi they she doesn't pop an album out of her vagina every 6-12 months with a remix album in between, they've been using Ayu and Kumi as cash cows and now it's biting them in the ass. People don't anticipate new albums from them so much because they KNOW one will be out any day and then another and then another. They really need to keep Kumi and Ayu from releasing anything besides a perfume and a few captive chart prisoners (maybe Iconiq) before late 2013 at the earliest IMO.

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  2. Checkmate! sold more than Party Queen's weekly sales in a day lmfao

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  3. I love this article so much! XD

    http://i131.photobucket.com/albums/p284/goddessofanguish/GIFs/win.jpg

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  4. But let's not forget that Go Round debuted at #4 with low numbers. No one's doing anything as far as sales go.

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  5. gurrrl! Wait for Namie's album and well see who's miserable

    bad attempts at trying to sound funny by the way :(

    its okay you try :)

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  6. if Oricon had counted all of ayumi's digital sales in their records then she would still be selling millions

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  7. "Iconiq is sat at a McDonalds drive-thru window wondering how she can make a living from her pictures on Instagram."

    LMAO im dead!

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  8. This entire post gave me so much life. Truer words have never been posted. Avex's "Ca$h Queen$" are nothing but "Forgotten Skanks" now. Kumi and Ayu need to reinvent themselves if they want to remain relevant in the public eye. But I feel their time has come anyway.

    The only big name stars in J-pop that I still have hope for are Namie and Hikaru. Everyone else can have several seats.

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