VMA 2008: The red carpet massacre

I usually don't do this red carpet bullshit for events and decide to focus on the performances. But I have so much to say on how people walked up on it, that I had to do it on this occassion. Check out a shit load of pics and thoughts after the jump.

The Forehead was there showing off her...well...forehead. That's all I can see to be honest. I swear her forehead gets bigger and bigger. If she projected movies on it, she'd put the IMAX out of business. I bet The dark knight looks WICKED on her forehead. Ciara was up at the event looking like somebody stuck a Vileda mop on her head. When CiCi looks hot, she is super hot and ain't no other chick steering in her lane. But when she looks wrong, she couldn't get no wronger - and she looks WRONG on this occassion. Ne-Yo kept it slick and clean. I like the suits that he's been rocking as of late. He looks real suave!

Danity Kane couldn't have looked any more of a wreck if Brandy was driving behind them. My girl Aubrey Ho Day looks like she came fresh from a gangbang session in the car park across the street, D-Woods looks like she has road kill stuck to the right-hand side of her head, Shannon looks like she's in a NASA G-force test, Dawn looks like somebodies Nigerian uncle and Aundrea looks like an Oompah Loompah.

Lil' Wayne and Keri Hilson did not do black folk any justice on the red carpet. Lil' Wayne should be banned from smiling and Keri Hilson looked like a cross between a lamp shade and a prostitute looking to score 2 dollars for giving some sloppy head. Not a good look. Jermaine Dupri has the face of a Teenage mutant ninja turtle, but he at least came dressed slick. I like what he wore. He one of the dudes in the music game who knows that you can't be rocking baggy sportswear bullshit at every event and that sometimes you have to come with that fresh suit, waistcoat and tie.

And who the hell invited 'Powl Wowl' to the VMA's!? This dude should be cleaning cars at a drive thru. Why acknowledge that this dude even has a career?! He's a shame to rap. I don't know how he even affords his grillz. Then again, they could be the same set he had when he was actually putting out music.

And here we have corpse brides!! Aguilera looked rough. What is up with her right titty!? It looks wierd, as does her face. Her swagger jacked Lady GaGa style was not as original as she made out prior to the event. She always throws the word 'original' around, when all she does is jack other chicks style. She should pay the Marylin Monroe estate royalities for jacking her shit for Back to basics. She looks SO old, like she's in her mid 30's. You'd never guess from the pictures of her on the red carpet that she's only 27. I guess that's what all that f**king around, over singing and wearing enough make up to cement a sidewalk can do to your looks. Ashlee Simpson was looking like some underworld queen out of Devil may cry. I wouldn't be surprised if she gave birth to the son of Sparda herself. She does not look glowing whatsoever. She looks dead. Brooke Ho-gan also took the time out of her 'busy' schedule to attend the VMA's. Word is she's working on a new album. Not that anybody cares. She should call it Bottom of the barrell, because there's where you have to scrape to find her and the rest of her family.

Pink looked hot! I'm feeling how she kept the rock chick visible with the mad hair and tats , but still looking glowing and feminine. I've always had mad love for Pink. I like how she switches her shit up and she never bores: whether it's with her music, her ever changing style or her music videos. She doesn't get even credit for how she holds it down in the game. I look forward to her forthcoming album Fun house.

T.I and Lupe Fiasco shouldn't look so cool - but they pull their shit off. T.I looks pimped out. And I'm feeling Lupe's Fox hunting / Jockey style. Not every dude could pull their shit off, but they do because:
a) They gots swagger.
b) They don't give a f**k.
c) When you have mad talent for your craft, it kinda gives you the license to wear and do what the hell you like.
Who said male style had to be boring!? I especially applaud Lupe Fiasco for switching it up and not going thug thistled and hood like most dudes do. I'm tired of rappers thinking that jeans round their ankles and air force ones is always a good look. A real man steps up and comes smart and clean some times - and if they can throw in a quirk here or there: even better! T.I and Lupe need to hit T-Pain on the 2-way and pass him the memo. His Minstrel show get-up is getting mad old now and he looks way too hood for his own good.

I don't see what the deal is with this Tila Tequila chick. I don't think she's even remotely sexy. Even the titties don't entice me. She has the face of a dude. I haven't seen a square jaw like that since the animated series of Batman.

The Ting-Tings!! Representing for the UK! I love these guys and love how they look so uninterested and unfazed by the whole event. I'm surprised they were even invited! I didn't think they were known of in the US. I've been playing their album We started nothing a heck of a lot lately (expect a future post on this group!) Overnight star Katy Perry also stepped out for the event. Her song "I kissed a girl" is my guilty pleasure. It feels so wrong, yet feels so right that I like that song as much as I do. And look, it's Guns 'n roses guitarist Slash! This dude is like an iconic cartoon character. I've never seen him without his shades, hat and that black hair in any other style. I have to give props to that hair and its volume. I know if he was ever to shave that shit, bitches in the music game would scrambling all over the barber shop floor to have it weaved into their heads.

Expect Michael Phelps to be at every single event for the next year. This dude is going to be living it up after his mad Olympic win streak. With his size 13 feet, swimmers build and 8 Olympic medals from the 2008 Beijing Olympics, I bet he's getting mad p***y thrown at him every day of the week. Fellow sportsman Kobe Bryant was also there with a date. Somebody please page that girl and make sure she's still okay. Another un-related to music dude who was there was Gossip girl star Chace Crawford. The dude is ridiculously good looking.

And there we have it! The event wasn't as star studded as I thought it would be. I was hoping to catch me some Beyonce, but no such luck.