53rd Grammy awards: The performances

I couldn't give a shit who wins what. It's a popularity and political contest for the most part. If people aren't being thrown awards, then they're being snubbed unfairly in favour of some miscellaneous person nobody has heard of, simply because it "seems right" and helps shun the image that the Grammy's favour big sellers and chart toppers. So to hell with that shit. Let's take it to the lights and the stage!

Aretha Franklin tribute

Bitches can f**k up and cast Final Fantasy style Level 5 Death the National anthem all they like. But you do NOT mess with Aretha's shit. And Christina made sure she was on point with every note, breath and word. She absolutely slayed!! All of the ladies did. But Christina touched my soul. And I just loved the look on Jennifer and Yolanda's faces as Christina sang. They were fixated on her in awe, like "Shat! This gurl can SANG!!" I don't even need to comment on Jennifer really, because she runs rings around Aretha's shit every time. Nobody else on that stage could have done "R.E.S.P.E.C.T" how she did.

I thought I'd hate this tribute but I really liked it. Each of the ladies brought something different with their song renditions and there was a real sense of unification between them. And would've thought Jennifer would end up skinnier than Christina Aguilera.

Lady Gaga - Born this way

This performance were nowhere near as epic has the people Lady Gag (a typo I'm not changing) paid to claim it was going to be, but I liked it none-the-less. It was a really simple affair. No ridiculous outfit. No huge lavish set. No blood. No chandeliers. Just dancing and some hair whipping. Straight simplicity. This is what made the performance work so well. Could Gaga finally be realizing that sometimes less is more?

B.o.B, Bruno Mars & Janelle Monae - Nothin' on you / Grenade / Cold war

I always love when artists deliver a rendition of a song in a way in which you wouldn't expect, especially if it includes orchestrations. So I was all over B.o.B's stripped down performance of "Nothin' on you". Bruno Mars' moment in the splotlight was weak. The limits of his vocals were pushed to breaking point here. Thin, reedy, no tone or texture and void of any real soul. I give him props for trying to switch up "Grenade", but turning the song into 60's Doo-Wop really softens the message and epicness of the original version. Now, Miss Monae... Showstopper. Her electrifying performance of "Cold war" is sure to help sell an extra few copies of The ArchAndroid. Lawd knows she needs it to.

I loved B.o.B, Bruno and Janelle all featured in one another's performances, and seemed to enjoy every moment. This performance made a grand statement; that we may have a new generation of pop and that these guys are the faces of it.

Justin Bieber - Baby / Never say never (featuring Jayden Smith) & Usher - OMG

You can only imagine how it would feel for somebody so young to have accomplished so much in such a short period of time and to have Usher as the person who continually supports that. I find Justin and Usher's relationship to be really sweet, because Usher truly is Justin's number 1 fan. I know the kid gets a lot of hate, but people lose sight of the fact that he is still just a kid far too easily. And for him to have a hit album, a hit film (in f**king 3D!) and a cabinet of awards is nothing to be scoffed at. Viva la singing Possum! I rather liked his performance. Jayden Smith's inclusion was a surprise. So what, he's a rapper now!? Will and Jada be pimpin' them kids. Will's acting cheques have been drying up lately, and Jada's last role in a movie that people had actually heard of was as Niobe in The Matrix Reloaded and Revolutions - both of which were garbage films.

Usher's "OMG" tagged onto the end of Justin's performance felt unnecessary. Especially seeing as his vocals sounded so bad. The dancing was good though, I'll give him that. I know "OMG" was the only hit Usher managed to get from Raymond v Raymond, but would it hurt for him to perform "DJ got us fallin' in love" once in a while? Or about a nice smooth, laid back performance of "There goes my baby"?

Katy Perry - Not like the movies / Teenage dream

This tramps' vocals started off okay, but then they just went the hell once the ho came off the swing. I can't call what I heard after 2:31 singing. I just can't. It was like listening to wild Foxes have trash-can-behind-the-alley sex. The "Not like the movies" performance was nice and simple. And her showing videos of her wedding to Russell what's-his-face was rather moving. "Teenage dream" however just ruined the whole thing. As soon as the swing lowered, she should have bowed, made somebody cut the lights and walked off the damn stage.

The Forehead featuring Lips - What's my name?

The Forehead's vocals were shaky. But she at least danced, and brought enough of a spectacle to keep things interesting. I'm sure stans and fans have already called out The Forehead for jacking Beyoncé's "Baby boy" dance steps during that breakdown segment; so I won't go there. It's good to see The Forehead is finally stepping up with the moves and that she worked that waist. Even if she moves like a tank when foot work is involved. She opened the legs and showed us the Oh-na-na just the required amount of times, so she gets a thumbs up from me.

The Forehead and Lips should be a couple. They look good together and their chemistry sizzles like bacon in a pan. We all know The Forehead f**ked him a couple of years back anyway.