Music video: Crystal Kay: Dum ditty dumb


With "Busy doing nothing" doing nothing and "Rule your world" not ruling a damn thing, Crystal Kay is back to try and salvage the mess that is her US debut with "Dum ditty dumb" - a song we heard long before "Busy doing rubbish" and "Rule your garbage bin".

Fans have not been impressed with Crystal's offerings so far and judging from her dire chart performance I don't think the record buying public are neither. "Dum ditty dumb" follows the same tired trend as "Busy doing nothing" and "Rule your world", which is that it could have been a really strong song, but it just doesn't gain enough traction because it feels like it's missing that spark to make it something really good. Out of all three of Crystal's singles, I think "Dum ditty dumb" has the best chance of becoming 'something', because it's the catchiest of the trio and it has a really cool video. But the song alone just isn't catchy enough and doesn't knock hard enough.

The music video is one of Crystal's most vibrant offerings. But Crystal feels so detached, because she features so partially in the video. The second the dancing girls start shooting rainbows out of their faces, you forget all about Crystal, regardless of how hot she looks. As cool as I think this video is, Crystal really should have been dancing in this video and sporting a bunch of fly girl looks in some Chinese side street, popping her pussy under some neon lights. Not because I feel this is a better concept that what she went with, but because I feel she needs to be introducing herself to audiences and nothing about this video gives viewers any kind of hint into who Crystal is or what she's about. The US are already up on Pamyu Pamyu and as a result will probably end up comparing this video to one of hers, which whilst a compliment, isn't what Crystal is or has ever been about.


Perfume snatch the whole of Tokyo with a performance of "Edge"

Perfume "Edge" performance @ JAPAN NIGHT | Random J Pop

Perfume held wigs for random during their performance set at JAPAN NIGHT. These girls put "Cling cling" to bed, brought "Edge" back from the dead and sent other girl groups to school. The title of this song could not be any more fitting, because edges are the one thing nobody was left with after Perfume snatched and scraped for 8 minutes straight.

Perfume fans will be familiar with this performance and how cutting edge it was back in 2010 and it still holds brilliantly now; which is why it was great to see the girls revisit it with updated visuals and a new level of confidence. In true Perfume flair, everything just came together perfectly to create a visual masterpiece; right down to the sea of glow sticks in the audience changing colour to the music. Perfume's visual team do no f**k around. Not for a second. They keep it tight.


Music video: MiChi - All I know


MiChi has slowly been falling off ever since her close to perfect debut and her latest new single "All I know" keeps her well on that decline. Nothing that MiChi has delivered since Up to you has been bad, but it's not been great neither and this is the problem. Everything she does, we know she can do better. "All I know" is a nice song, but it's so generic, and as has become custom for MiChi it comes with an awful music video which looks as though it was shot on a music video budget that wouldn't be able to buy a pack lunches worth of snacks for a child.

Man, I miss the days when MiChi was dropping pop bangers and doing it like no other chick was.

Album review: Up to you | Therapy | Eyes wide open

Listen to... Beyoncé featuring Nicki Minaj - Flawless (Remix)

Beyoncé featuring Nicki Minaj - Flawless (Remix) | Random J Pop

The Amazonian empress from the kingdom of lost wigs has punk'd the world again by dropping a remix to one of her (now many) oft referenced, GIF and meme worth songs "Flawless". The wig harvesting star's remix features Nicki Minaj. Many had questioned how come the Beyoncé and Nicki collabo hadn't happened sooner, but the timing of this union seems perfect. Almost too perfect. Surfacing at a time when Beyoncé's name is in the media over her arse and marriage chilling on the rocks and Nicki Minaj is set to release her new single "Anaconda" which is already taking on a life of its own due to it's cover art which has already been photoshopped and meme'd to pink hell and back.

The "Flawless" remix has been noted more than anything for Beyoncé addressing her sister going Chun-Li on her husband in the lift 3 months ago with the line 'Sometimes shit go down when there's a billion dollars on a elevator'. This could be shade at Solange, because she probably had the lowest amount of funds in her account out of everybody in that lift. Hence why she went level 3 ultra on Jay-Z. He probably told her to go park some cars out front for money after listening to her beg B for money all night.

Members of the BeyHive have already checked themselves into A&E for third degree burns as a result of being dragged for miles out of nowhere in the middle of the night by their fave and her remix.

I don't think the remix is all that great myself. Nicki has delivered much better verses on her other guest features, but it's cool hearing the two of them on a track together and it works well. There's no ego between the two and there's a real sense of solidarity on the track with Beyoncé calling out Nicki by her real name and letting her run loose on the track as she pleases, consuming as many bars as she needs.

Be on the lookout for a video. There's been no confirmation of one, but we know how Beyoncé loves to shoot a video and snatch a wig in the night.

Album reviews: I am... Sasha Fierce | 4 | Beyoncé

Perfume welcome everybody to "Cling Cling" world. Nochesus Christ serves the gospel on You Tube.

Perfume - Welcome to 'Cling cling' world | Random J Pop

Perfume did a special intimate gig which was open to anybody with access to the internet, which was titled Welcome to "Cling cling" world. Things such as this is usually made exclusive to members of Perfume's official fan club PTA. But with a national tour under way, a world tour on the way and "Cling cling" being dismissed by so many fans, locking this video down to a select number of fans would have been stupid.

Perfume performed "Hold your hand" for the very first time and I have to say, the song works much better with a routine (as all Perfume songs do). But the song still sucks and the routine is nothing great. It pales in comparison to "Cling cling" and it doesn't have a damn thing on "Sweet refrain". But watching the girls dance to it looking like Asian royalty in their Ming dynasty dresses makes it more bearable than the music video. No disrespect to the person who painstakingly edited the music video for "Hold your hand". It's lovely, but it will take more than a show of hands coloured in crayolas to make me like that song.


Music video: HA:TFELT (Yenny of the Wonder girls) - Ain't nobody


With the Wonder girls being as good as dead and ex-Wonder girl Sunmi coming out of nowhere to trample over the wreckage of the girl group to show the world how she gets down with her slow twerks and pussy pops, Yenny wants blood.

Yenny's chops as a song writer and her singing ability were as clear as day as part of the Wonder girls, to the point where you'd mistake her for being the leader of the group and putting Sunye under a JYP cafeteria table. So it should come as no surprise that she's decided to go solo. What is slightly surprising however is what she debuted with as her song and video, which is very similar to Sunmi's "24 hours" with its dark visuals and a choreographed routine which involves getting low on the floor and opening legs in a little white number which shows everything the second the routine gets under way.

"Ain't nobody" is not my cup of tea, but the bandwagoning of dubstep didn't aggravate me as much as it normally would. Despite the sonical shifts between the verses the chorus and the refrain, the song feels wholly monotonous and doesn't feature a strong melody. In light of all this, I don't dislike the song. But props to Yenny for not having JYP produce her debut. That man recycles beats and song concepts like Namie Amuro recycles her boots.


Album arts & track listing: BoA - Who's back?


Japanese BoA fans have been wondering when BoA would actually bother to release another Japanese album, after denying them one for 3 years. The details of BoA's Japanese long player have surfaced, but in light of this you could still ask the question when she is going to bother releasing a new Japanese album, because this shit right here light on new material, even by J-Pop standards. This 'new album' from BoA is nothing but a singles collection.

  1. First time
  2. Shout it out
  3. Only one
  4. Fun
  5. Message
  6. Woo weekend
  7. Milestone
  8. I see me
  9. Masayume chasing
  10. The shadow
  11. Close to me
  12. Call my name
  13. Baby you..
  14. Tail of hope

I'm surprised Avex didn't throw Japanese versions of "I did it for love", "Copy & paste" and "Hurricane Venus" on here too, alongside a 4 year old songs like "Woo weekend".

A look at Kumi Koda's "Hotel" and the return of SkanKumi

Kumi Koda's 57th single Hotel is due in August and Avex are gearing up for its release and throwing out last minute scraps of promo; which is probably Avex's knee jerk reaction as a result of their ex-queen's album free falling out of the charts. With Ayumi Hamasaki's album beyond saving, Avex are pumping that budget into trying to get some physical single sales out of their other cash cow: Kumi Koda.

In act of smelling Ayu's blood on the Avex carpet, Kumi put out a statement on her new Summer single. Depending on how you read into it, there is some potential shade within it for Ayu.

With this last work I wanted to push my limits, it would have been boring if I was within the expectations. In the music video I wanted to interweave dance, fashion and women's beauty and strength. Through different expressions, fashion, hair and make-up I was able to show you how I can easily change my image.

I expected "Hotel" to be a case of Kumi looking like hooker trash in some art deco hotel, with an army of female maids and bell hoppers acting out sexual orgies in each of the rooms with the guests - pretty much what Britney subjected the world to on her Onyx hotel tour. But instead we get Kumi looking all mumsy in some Santorini looking setting. In this regard, the final article was outside of my expectation. But Kumi needs to stop fronting like this is all wonderfully new. It's about as basic as we would expect from J-Pop's original ho.

Ayumi Hamasaki's 'Colours' debuts on the ORICON chart at number 5. The floppage continues.

Ayumi Hamasaki's 'Colours' debuts on the ORICON charts at number 5. The floppage continues | Random J Pop

Whilst Namie Amuro has been strutting up and down the ORICON chart, telepathically sending wigs flying into the Tokyo bay; Ayumi Hamasaki has suffered her lowest selling album to date. Her 12th studio album Colours entered the ORICON charts at number 5, selling a paltry 39,295 copies in its first week. Ayu's album was denied number 1 position from a group whose name reads out as 'Kiss my foot'. It's almost as though the planet is rotating at a speed and angle from the sun which casts complete shade over her entire life.

Meisa Kuroki tosses Jin Akanishi some yen to release a new single. It will probably flop.

Meisa Kuroki was getting tired of her friends and her mother asking her what her husband was doing with his life and why he never leaves the house, so she tossed him a few thousand yen to set up his own record label and release a new song. This is a Japanese release, so we can breath a sigh of relief that we won't have to hear Jin struggle to sell sex (which bordered on sexual predatory tendencies) in Engrish - but the sound of the song itself sounds like something from his Japonicana album any way.

Rest assured that Johnny Kitagawa already has a release waiting in the wings to scupper any chance of Jin catching a hit with this song. Johnny won't rest until Jin's career is 6 feet under in an adamantium casket. You don't leave one of Johnny's top selling groups, get a well known celebrity pregnant out of wedlock and then expect to get off Scot free. No. Jin, you danger gurl.

The only thing I need from Jin is an official release of "Wonder" - his duet with Crystal Kay. I'mma also need his wife Meisa to drop a new album. Her albums are always 10 tracks of awful with 2 tracks of absolute fire, both of which I need in my life right now.

Meisa Kuroki album reviews: Attitude | Magazine

Music video: Sistar - Touch my body


Sistar had me immediately sprung with "Push push", which still reigns as my favourite Sistar jam, but they've not done a lot to really entice me since. But their new song "Touch my body" hits a sweet spot with me. It's no banger and it won't be making anybody's gym workout or pussy pop playlist any time soon, but it's a really nice song. There are odd moments within it where it reminds me of Ga-in's "Bloom" which I loved.

The music video is a type of mess though. There is no focus in this video between the busy setups, the horrid comical effects and a dance routine featuring a move which looks like they are trying to shake a piece of shit out of their trouser leg. It's all foolishness. The song isn't all that amazing as it is, but a really strong video could have made it better.

"Push push" is still where it's at for me. I was sold from the drums dropped, but it was a wrap when Bora spun and got low in the denim cut offs and stripper heels.


The queens of Hiroshima (aka Perfume) rep for their home city of Hiroshima

The queens of Hiroshima (aka Perfume) have lent their airs and graces to their home city, by becoming the faces and voices of Hiroshima's guide book.

Each city and prefecture in Japan is always doing the most to try and get people to visit their hood. I recall being collared in Kyoto and Nara by some prefecture officials who were giving me flyers, badgers, sashese and wrestled me to the floor until I said I would tell a friend to 'come here for holiday'. So what better way to get people to visit your city than to use the faces of celebrities who will be doing a world tour and scalping the western hemisphere in 4 months time.

Perfume are not available to do the tour personally for those who pick up the tour guide pack, but ex-Perfume member Kawayuka is on hand to conduct this tour personally. This is how she makes her money off of the Perfume name. Her time to shine.