2009 American music awards performances

2009 American music awards performances
The American music awards is as old as fart as I post this. Yeah, I know, I know. "J, you late!" Spare me the shit. I had this post ready to go, embedded videos and everything as soon as every performance hit the web. And then official peeps went on a deleting spree on YouTube. Every time I found replacement vids, they got deleted too. Seeing as I had this big ol' post ready to go - I'm just going to post this anyway. I'm sure this post will do without the videos - given how most of you have seen the performances already. If you haven't, then good luck finding some.

Janet Jackson's performance at the 2009 American music awards
Janet Jackson - Medley

Janet did nothing for me. Nothing. She mimed near enough the whole damn set, and nothing really sizzled on stage. Her medley was also too long and mish-mashed together. I know she has a Greatest hits album to promote, but she would have been better off either performing one or two of her classics in a better put together performance, or just a seriously hot performance of "Make me". The only part of the overlong piece of tat that I liked and made me pay attention was when "Together again" kicked in. It's one of my favourite Janet Jackson songs, and it was nice and touching to hear it here - given it was probabaly in dedication to Michael.

The Forehead's performance at the 2009 American music awards
Rihanna - Mad house (Intro) / Wait your turn / Hard

That ni*-*a hit me so hard! Upside my head, it's so hard! (Just kidding!) At first I thought "Damn! Chris' beat some swagger into Rihanna!?" But then I got bored. She looked seriously hot. And I loved the red lights that shone out of her shoulders pads during the bridge section of "Hard". But I just got tired of her flicking her Road Runner hair and just walking up and down the stage. She should have been on her knees, thrashing, pulling some hair and moshing the hell out of her shit. By the time Rihanna finally started to feel herself and get into the swing of things, the performance ended. As has always been the case with Rihanna's big show performances: the set and the backing dancers did all the shit she couldn't seem to be bothered to. "Hard" is growing me in a big way. I was bumping it quite a bit today. "Wait your turn" is garbage though. Ain't nothing that can make me like that song.

Adam Lambert's performance at the 2009 American music awards
Adam Lambert - For your entertainment

I found this performance really embarrassing to watch. I was actually cringing as I watched it, and lost all appetite for the mince pies I was eating at the time (and I love me a mince pie!) The whole thing was awful. Adam tried to make a big explosive impact with his performance, but I felt it was too overblown. He should have just stripped it down, kept himself working it at the front of the stage and let the dancers and the set be the spectacle for him. Adam was stiff, didn't look 100% percent comfortable, and there was zero swagger. The kissing, the pelvic thrusting, the grinding up of a dudes face into his crotch - it was all so forced and unecessary. He didn't do himself any favours and made himself look a joke. You couldn't even take in how good a voice he had or latch onto the song, because you were so busy sat there thinking "What is this guy doing?!"

Shakira's performance at the 2009 American music awards
Shakira - Give it up to me

Shakira should have been rocking a militia outfit, gone to town with the choreography and been sweating her hair out. But she just stood there in a fish scale looking dress and walked around the stage for a bit. The large troupe of dancers were the main attraction of this performance. I forgot all about Shakira after a while. She felt non-existent. Shakira's single releases from She Wolf have all been solid, and gotten love from me. But her live performances have been really bad. She barely dances and she's been miming constantly. If she let's a wild bush pig nibble her hair and she puts on some fishnets with holes in them - she could be Britney.

Lady Gaga's performance at the 2009 American music awards
Lady Gaga - Bad romance / Speechless

"Bad romance" is growing on me, but I think this performance could have done without it. "Speechless" was so powerful on its own, that I think the "Bad romance" intro ruined it if anything. Just how "LoveGame" ruined her intimate version of "Poker face" when she was on SNL. There was no smooth segue. One song just abruptly ended and then came the next one. Lady Gaga doesn't seem to be able to marry her big pop pieces with the more stripped down songs well. This was still a good performance though. She made a enough of a spectacle that the performance remains memorable, and gave a good enough live vocal performance to make the chicks that mimed on the night feel a little ashamed of themselves.

Alicia Keys' performance at the 2009 American music awards
Alicia Keys - Try sleeping with a broken heart

The homewrecker had me from she started with the "Let's do it baby. Let's do it baby. Let's do it, do it!" and slow grinding the hips. Everything after that was a bonus. Who in the world knew Alicia could work her hips and them thick thighs like that!? She was moving correctly up against that wall. No wonder Swizz Beatz cheated on his wife with her. Only a gay man would turn down Alicia Keys. And I bet even a gay dude would be like "I'mma dip it in the poontang just this once!" If I were married and Alicia turned up on my doorstep like "Pound me like a steak and be my man", I'd text my wife there and then, like "Baby, it's over. e-mail me them papers". The woman is sex in the classiest and most understated way. I love her, and "Try sleeping with a broken heart" is crack to me. I haven't been this in love with an Alicia joint since "Girlfriend" and "Butterflyz" from her debut Songs in A minor.

Timbaland, SoShy and Nelly Furtado's performance at the 2009 American music awards
Timbaland featuring SoShy & Nelly Furtado - Morning after dark

Timbaland can hit a gym for the rest of his life, but he ain't never losing them pancake rolls on the back of his neck. That shit looks worse than it did before, because now his head be looking like a sat in bean bag chair. I don't give a shit as long as he fixes up his beats, which he seems to be on the path to doing. "Morning after dark" is hot, and the new mix he dropped in this performance was tight. SoShy made this performance for me. She just walked onto the stage in a way that made her look a bad ass and command everybody's attention. Ya gotta love that. Nelly felt like a third wheel. They had her reveal in some big way like Michael Jackson was about to step out and handle some Thriller like business. She needs to go hit a studio and work on her new album. I need her to be on that A-game she was on with Loose.

The Black eyed peas' performance at the 2009 American music awards
The black eyed peas - Meet me halfway / Boom Boom Pow (Remixes)

If I were to hear these new remixes of "Meet me halfway" and "Boom Boom Pow" on the radio, I'd change the station. But watching them be performed live? I liked them! It'd be cool if they released them digitally. I'm really stunned at how hot Fergie is looking these days. She actually looked nice and not like Chucky from Child's play how she used to look before she got married. Josh Duhamel is sexing some hotness into her, clearly! Will.i.am looked a damn mess, but what's new?!

Jay-Z and Alicia Keys' performance at the 2009 American music awards
Jay-Z featuring Alicia Keys - Empire State of mind

Jay-Z and Alicia performing "Empire State of mind" can't fail. Everybody was on their feet and feeling the song, and that's what it's all about. I wish Alicia would stop frontin' like she's on that piano though. As soon as her rendition of "New york" was done, she should have got her arse up off the piano stool and starting workin' the stage. Because everybody done knew the piano tinkling away in the background was a backing track. This was a hot performance because of how awesome and effortlessly Jay and Alicia handled their business. But do you know what made the performance for me? Lady Gaga's face. She did NOT look impressed and was looking into the camera like she wanted a n***a dead. Any n***a at all. It didn't even matter.

Kelly Clarkson's performance at the 2009 American music awards
Kelly Clarkson - Already gone

This chick sounds so much better live than she does on CD's. I often forget that Kelly Clarkson can actually SANG! There's not a bad word I can say about her performance. It was slick, classy and Kelly sounded amazing. The new arrangements with the orchestra were stunning, and sounded far removed from Beyoncé's "Halo" - making things even better.

Keith Urban's performance at the 2009 American music awards
Keith Urban - Kiss a girl

I can't say I'm a huge fan of Keith Urban. I find his music so boring. But "Kiss a girl" didn't sound half bad live. The performance lacked all the bells and whistles of some of the other performances. But this is what made Keith's set work. It was all about the simplicity. I'm not entirely sure why, but watching the whole thing play out in one take made this performance even better.

Mary J. Blige's performance at the 2009 American music awards
Mary J Blige - I am

The veteran 30+ bitches who can't handle their vocals live need to fall back and take notes. Yes! I'm looking at you both Whitney and Mariah! It's so nice to know Mary can still bring it live. The performance was boring, but Mary's vocals were on solid form. She didn't look half bad neither. I can't stand that stupid wig she seems insistent on wearing. But she looked nice.

Jennifer Lopez's performance at the 2009 American music awards
Jennifer Lopez - Louboutins

Jennifer fell down harder than she shut it down. That drop was dirty. But she got up fast and kept it moving. I can't stand the song, and this performance hardly sold it. She could have at least worn out a pair of Louboutins out for the whole thing. She put on a pair at the end, but that shit weren't good enough. Beyoncé would have thrashed her weave and worn a pair the f**k out. And Ciara would have done the splits, The Matrix and electric slide in a pair. There's a part of me that wants J.Lo to drop a hot album and really roll out correctly, as I do like the chick (her J.Lo album was pretty damn good and got serious plays outta me!) But she needs to come better than this. The song is absolute garbage. Such a better and quirkier song could have been written around a pair of Louboutins. I bet Candice Nelson would've written some hot ass shit about a pair.

Green day's performance at the 2009 American music awards
Green day - 21 guns

I love "21 guns". But I wasn't in love with this performance of it. The whole thing felt like it was a jam session in somebody's basement, and a pretty boring one at that. "21 guns" should have had more of a slight ethereal feel to it. But the whole thing just sounded too muddy, too unpolished and a little too raw. Even by Green day's standards. A little reverb on Billie Joe's vocals might have helped. Green day are much better than this. Much, much better.

Whitney's Houston's performance at the 2009 American music awards
Whitney Houston - I didn't know my own strength

Whitney's voice has the consistency of gruel. Sometimes it's smooth. Sometimes it's nasty. She does not have that control over her vocals that she used to have. And that tone is on its last legs. It's a shame what she's been reduced to vocally now. Whitney looked beautiful though. Her stylist picked her one good ass wig and a nice dress.


  1. I'm surprised you didn't make fun of that "ninja roll" of Adam's. To his credit, he did make the fall look like it was part of the choreography, lol. But that was about the only good thing about the performance. It didn't highlight the song or his kick ass voice. All it did was stir controversy here in the states. Got to be his worst live performance ever, and not a good "debut".

    Whitney sounded terrible, Janet was boring, and I thought Green Day ruined "21 Guns". I like that song, and the lack of falsetto during the chorus kinda ruined it for me. I thought GaGa had the best performance, while Kelly had the best vocal.

  2. I forever love your reviews.

  3. Quick Question J - this isn't the first time I've seen you comment and like a song that falls outside of Eastern and Western pop (I'm refering to the Green Day track) so how comes you don't post reviews or updates on those bands? Is it because you want to keep your blog specifically to pop music or is there another reason?
    I'm just curious, not being judgemental or anything, promise! :-)


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