Random J(unk) Mail: 6.11.22 - Who wants to be a light-skinned Millionaire?

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Fluorescent beige, bitch.

Random J(unk) Mail is a weekly roundup of whatever the fuck. A collection of things that I was too lazy to make individual posts on. Or just small things that I didn’t think warranted a post, but I still wanted to share thoughts on. I’m gonna try to do this weekly. But those of you who have been here for a minute know my ass is lazy.

Maybe Mercury is in Renaissance or something. Because this past week has seen some questionable decisions made by light-skinned people with money. Some big and terrible. Some small and fun. But mostly terrible. Because this is life now. Everything is just terrible. The bar been up, been down, been broke, broke down, and it’s stayin’ down.

Honestly, Nevermind
It feels like every 6 months Drake is releasing something. Just a few months ago he released Not Renaissance, and now he has a new joint project album with toodle-pip rapper 21 Savage. An album which has everybody talking, because of a particular lyric in one of the songs, allegedly pertaining to the event when Dobby the Canadian House Elf shot Megan Thee Stallion. The lyric in question?

‘This bitch lie ‘bout gettin’ shots, but she still a stallion’

The Aubrettes are coming to Aubrey’s defence that the lyric is about ass injections and BBL’s, and I can see that. Others are claiming it’s a double entendre, as though it’s not FAR worse. Whatever the deal, Oerbrea is smart enough (for better and for worse) to know that a line like this in a song would be controversial and have people talking; which is what makes Aubreigh’s decision to include this line seem either tone deaf or purposefully terrible. And for what Orbrey? Why gurl?

Black men in rap are man babies. They are not thick-skinned. Their egos are as fragile as Uoehbreye’s lace caps. They are bullies. They are Angelica from the Rugrats. In fact, this is false. They are not even Angelica from the Rugrats, because even she knew not to fuck with Black women. Black men in rap are barely even man babies.

I’m sure Renaissoncé rolled her eyes when she saw all of this Awbrë mess. A bitch couldn’t even make it to the end of the year tipping on her hardwood floors without some man having to ruin it.

Those of you who don’t have physical copies of Renaissance, better make sure y’all right click and save “Heated”. Because the streaming versions of that album will probably see that track removed. The same goes for “Mine” on Beyoncé.

Pirates of Barbados [Sponsored by Fenty Corp.]
The Fenty Corp. CEO put on her fashion show for Jeff Bezos+, and made the terrible decision to put Captain Jack Sparrow in the show. A man who was dragged through court earlier this year in a defamation trial, jubilantly making a mockery of the whole thing, where awful things concerning abuse came to light on both sides, was given a bag by forehead.org.

Because the only thing worse than billionaires who make questionable decisions are their stans; of course the Navy are using Fenty Flotillas’ decision as a chance to claim everything is as black and white as ‘Willy Wonka won the case = 100% innocent’. Despite that just from the past 3 years alone, we have seen that the justice system is not always correct. That white men, especially those with money, will very regularly get away with things Scot-free.

And here’s the real kicker folks. Even in instances where somebody has a case go in their favour, they are not completely blameless. Remember. The case was not for one of abuse, it was for defamation.

Regardless of where you fall on the whole Edward Scissorhands versus Mera of Xebel trial, I think many of the rationally minded can agree that from a purely business standpoint, it would make sense to not feature either of these people in any of your public facing shit for a good while. At the very least until the dust has settled, and we see some form of learning through the actions of both parties. Unless of course, you’re desperate for the press attention, which I don’t think Fenty Forensics was. 

I couldn’t help but think that Fenty Fabrics’ decision to include Grindelwald in her fashion show is linked to some form of rehabilitation guilt that Fenty Florist may be harbouring from the days of her father being an addict and abusing her mother. A situation which not only made her ending up in a similar situation with Chris Brown horribly cyclical, but would explain why she went and chose to record two songs with him after he abused her. Fenty Furniture may need some hours on the couch to really get into all that.

The booking of Gilbert Grape was a very unfortunate and unnecessary wrinkle to add to the first leg of a comeback.

Suga Mama
Beyoncé loves her some Halloween. And this year she chose to have the Knowles-Beyoncé family dress up as The Proud Family.

Now, it’s long been rumoured that Beyoncé spends many a night just scrolling through Twitter, Instagram and the YouTubes for shit the Beyhive be saying and doing. It’s not even a rumour at this point, because we know she does it. The Beyhive took Beyoncé’s Halloween look of a choice as a response to this meme. But fans have been demanding Beyoncé do The Proud Family for Halloween ever since she posted that she was expecting Phil ‘n’ Lil.

Beyoncé dressed up as Suga Mama, whilst sittin’ atop the silver disco ball horse which features on the album cover for Beyoncé’s 7th studio album, Renaissance.

Fans quickly wondered why Beyoncé’s mother Ms. Tina was not the grandmother of the Proud’s, Suga Mama - something which became a meme.

The B’Day “Suga Mama” references were surprisingly light I must say.

But Beyoncé doing The Proud Family for Halloween is more than just fan service. Beyoncé actually does have a connection to the series, having ‘co-written’ and contributed vocals to the Solange helmed theme song for the show back in 2001. Solo Star hive who copped the CD and got this theme song as a bonus track, stand the fuck up.

Beyoncé is sharing everything from her camera rolls except the music videos for Renaissance, and she knows it.



Shinun***a E-Wa
I tried writing a bunch of different openings for this topic, but this is the one I settled on: Kaze Fujii said ‘n***a’.

Because why build it up and pad it?

Kaze was on cloud nine. A second high charting album. A successful tour. A fun and enlightening trip to India for a music video shoot. A new single. And then A teenage Kaze holding a red balloon appeared in a storm drain, asking a passer-by where the entrepreneur n****s with the polos are.

Kaze Fujii in the stormdrain, like Pennywise from the film It. With the subtitles ‘Hi n***a’.

The way this entire situation unfolded was unusual, because Kaze’s initial Twitter apology seemed to come out of nowhere, before the thing he was apologising for seemed to be common knowledge to his fanbase. Kaze realising this, followed up with as many specifics as he could, shy of saying ‘I said the N word’. But just from the original tweet it was clear what this man was apologising for, without seeing the damning material. I mean-

Everything about this was an ‘I said n***a’ apology. But at least it was an apology, it was direct and it was a decent apology as far as Twitter apologies go.

The offending video from 2018 has since been set to private on Kaze’s official YouTube channel. But because several YouTubers had done reactions to the video over the years, that shit still lives on like Grey’s Anatomy.

But here’s the thing.

Fans weren’t reacting to the video because of what Kaze said. They were reacting to the video, because it was a crazy and insanely creative mashup of M-Flo, Carly Rae Jepsen, Ed Sheeran and Nicki Minaj, with Kaze just being Kaze in the music video. It was genuinely a great mashup and video, and it’s unfortunate that it’s been tainted because Kaze didn’t change one word. But interestingly, none of the YouTubers reacting to the video acknowledge what Kaze said, even though they’re watching the video with subtitles and the word is RIGHT there. Which is probably why the video had been up for 4 years with little to no controversy around it.

BUT. One YouTuber did acknowledge that Kaze had ‘slipped up’. And of course it was a Black YouTuber.

This Black YouTuber did not give us a record scratch edit and comment. They instead placed a graphic over the subtitles and edited the audio of Kaze hittin’ with the ‘ga.

Why this Black YouTuber felt they had an obligation to skate right by that moment, not speak on it, and act like it never happened is a WHOLE other discussion which could go all manner of ways.

Being a Black fan of J-pop can sometimes be a mess. Nowhere near as much of a mess as it can be being a Black fan of K-pop. But it can still have its problems when it comes to the discussion of race and culture. So I have zero doubts that had this YouTuber addressed the controversy in his video, that some heinous fans would have called this YouTuber all kinds of n***a in the comments. Not addressing any negative shit also seems to be the vibe of this particular YouTuber, so I completely get why they said ‘Nope’ and kept it moving.

A big issue at this point isn’t even just that Kaze said ‘n***a’, but non Black folk playing the ever popular hands of ‘I don’t see what the big deal is’, ‘He apologised, get over it’, ‘People are too sensitive’, ‘It’s a song lyrics, why can’t he sing it?’, ‘He didn’t know what he was saying’ and ‘Everybody should forgive him’. Complete invalidation of the feelings of those who took understandable offence.

If you don’t get why some of Kaze’s fans would turn their back on him, be mad, upset or pissed, then that’s a you problem. It’s not a reflection on the offended.

I already know I’m trash. But at least I’m empathetic trash. Some of y’all on the other hand, are really for the incinerator.

Yes, the video is old. But Kaze still said what he said. We all make mistakes. And the better amongst us acknowledge those mistakes, apologise for them and move on in a state of growth and learning. But this doesn’t mean that those who were offended and affected by those mistakes have to accept the apology. I won’t begrudge Black fans who tap out and never listen to Kaze’s music again. There are only so many ‘I was ignorant, I didn’t know the impact of the word’ apologies that we can take at this point. Kaze was not 8 years old in that video. He was 19 - 21. Old enough to know better. But I also won’t judge those who accept the apology and continue to be a fan. What I will judge however are your responses and reactions to those who are offended.

If somebody is pissed at Kaze, let them be pissed. They have full reason to be.

💿 Kaze album reviews: Love N***a Serve N***a | Help N***a Hurt N***a

Mariah Carey
Don’t worry. The queen of Christmas hasn’t done anything wrong, other than be too giving. I have fully been on a ‘We don’t deserve Mariah Carey’ kick ever since Mariah really started putting herself out there as the Queen of Christmas, and rightfully setting herself up with an annual holiday bag. Not everybody has that.

I listen to Mariah all-the-fuck-year round. But October is when Mariah Season starts for me, because that’s when I start playing “The Distance” and awaiting those warm days and cold nights in late October, before bringing out “Christmas Time is in the Air Again” for my festive winter walks through the city of London.

For the record, “The Distance” is a Christmas song, and I don’t give a fuck what anybody has to say. Leave me alone.

If Mariah has one made light-skinned bad decision, it’s that she keeps wearing Dolce & Gabbana. She’s gotta stop. She has too much money, and there are too many other designers who can make her gowns in the style and fit she likes for her to be wearing the ever problematic D&G.

So, what is the lesson this week? Take accountability for your decisions, and try to understand why people are pissed at the things you chose to do.

Have a non-miserable day.
?J

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