Random J(unk) Mail: 12.2.23 - Bitch better have my Renaissance ticket money

Don’t act like you forgot.

Random J(unk) Mail is a weekly roundup of whatever the fuck. A collection of things that I was too lazy to make individual posts on. Or just small things that I didn’t think warranted a post, but I still wanted to share thoughts on. I’m gonna try to do this weekly. But those of you who have been here for a minute know my ass is lazy.

It’s been 84 years since I posted a Random J(unk) Mail. I know I’m trash. But as 2022 began to wrap, I lost the will to do anything. And it’s taken me a really long ass time to get into the swing of starting a new year. January is often a very lethargic month for me. And for folk to be announcing tours!? The thought of stepping outside of my house exhausts me. I can’t imagine what starting a world tour in a couple of months and being on that bitch for a year would do to me. The answer? I wouldn’t do it. Hikaru Utada knows. That’s why they just be doing pre-recorded performances and then sending out links.

We’ve got a bit of catching up to do. But I’m too lazy to catch up on all of it. So let’s just skim through the highlight reels.


Hot Girl Kashiyuka

Ever since Perfume launched their individual Instagram accounts, it’s been kinda fascinating to see the different ways in which they use it, because it says SO much about who they are. Kashiyuka’s account in particular is probably one of the most active, the one which shows the most of her life outside of being ‘Kashiyuka’. She posts frequent Instagram stories of when she travels, and often posts her outfits of the day. And on one particular day, Kashiyuka posted this...

A crop top. Hand in the pants. Nothing wild, crazy or even remotely salacious if any member of any other girl group were to post this. But it’s something which is sure to catch a Perfume fan off guard, given what they wear and have always worn.

Whilst Perfume have never sported outfits on stage or in music video showing skin other than that of arms and legs (although there was a brief midriff moment in “If You Wanna”), in their more editorial shoots, they have sported more form fitting outfits and shown more body. The P Cubed shoot had Kashiyuka showing a whole lotta back. One of the Levi campaigns Perfume were a part of had Kashiyuka and Nocchi showing midriff, as did the cover of Perfume’s costume book, albeit a tiny bit.

It’d be great to see Perfume’s personal style being worked into their stage outfits and music video looks. There should still be the distinction between what is Perfume on stage, during promo and media, and when Perfume mode is fully off. But updating their looks would add some much needed freshness to their style. We’ve seen some new stuff worked into their attire over the past couple of years, but it’s still miles from where it should be. Perfume’s outfits don’t even try to be fashionable. Perfume’s music finally seems to be in a decent enough place, where it can now be deemed cool. But the stage outfits haven’t quite levelled met to match.

Kashiyuka done broke the internet for showing forehead on an album cover and in a music video. Could you imagine if she stepped out in a music video in a crop top!?

Kashiyuka also posted this.

Go off Yuka.


Beyoncé and her kitten heel is going on tour

So, Beyoncé announced her Renaissance World Tour earlier this month. The tickets were sold through Ticketmaster. Y’all know the rest.

It wasn’t as bad as the Taylor Swift situation. Three sets of pre-sales took place and there were still tickets available for the general sale to go ahead - but getting a ticket was a whole ‘nother story.

The o2 presale was a shambles, as it reportedly always is. The TicketMaster queuing system was kicking people out, back, up and down. Captcha systems were fucking up checkouts and causing people to lose tickets. And now with most of the tickets snatched up, the only remaining tickets are ridiculously priced, with the cheapest tickets being £350.

Some fans are so hellbent on seeing Beyoncé whip her wig and bussit, bussit, bussit to “Cuff It”, that they are buying tickets for other cities and countries and making a whole trip of it. And some are just saying ‘Fuck it’ and paying the prices for whatever is available. Online personality Kalen Allen (probably best known for his appearances on Ellen), had tweeted his ticket confirmation e-mail, for which he paid almost $5000. For that price, Beyoncé would need to AirBnb out one of the rooms in her guest house (which is probably 4 miles from the main house) and have that board come with all inclusive breakfast and dinner, a complimentary trunk of the full Ivy Park range.

The Renaissance world tour kicks off in Stockholm in May. So, if you are attending the tour, and want as much of it to remain a surprise, mute Beyoncé, Beyonce, Beyonc, Bey, BeyHive, Renaissance and Renassunce on all of your social media platforms.


Ayumi Hamasaki’s Remember You album didn’t hit number 1

On January 25th, Ayumi Hamasaki released her 18th studio album; her first studio album 7 years. And it debuted at number 6 on the Weekly Oricon Albums Chart, selling around 11,000 copies.

Between the quality of the music, how she sounded during that last Countdown gig and the fact that she barely promoted this album, I don’t think that Ayu particularly cares. I honestly wonder if she even wanted to release this album or if it was purely a contractual obligation. She seemed more than happy to do just do her Countdown gigs and spend her time in her Balaneciussies, without having to bother with albums. She wanted what Rihanna has.

But trust that Avex are still sending Namie’s team faxes, pleading to let them release something of hers to make up for these lost sales. Because Avex’s financial situation isn’t great, Ayu isn’t the cash cow for them that she once was, and even if she were, she is absolutely done with releasing albums annually.

Avex has really struggled to navigate this new space, where they are now required to do the work to help their shit sell; which is their own damn fault. Avex got too comfortable with having Namie Amuro, Ayumi Hamasaki, Kumi Koda and BoA being able to push major units, regardless of the quality of the music or the time at which their albums were released. But now things are very different. The landscape of Japanese music has changed. The landscape of music as a whole has changed. And because of Avex’s inability to adapt and develop talent, there is a massive hole in sales. Avex barely even promoted Remember You. Ayu probably couldn’t be bothered to do promo even if she was told to, and who could blame her? But the lack of promotion on Avex’s part is probably down to a lack of budget, and them still being in their bubble of ‘It’s Ayu, it’ll be fine’. That bubble done burst years ago. But Avex be in denial. Just like the fanbase.

Whilst Remember You didn’t hit number 1 and only achieved moderate sales, Ayu did still manage a milestone with Remember You; as she now holds the record for the highest number of top 10 albums by a Japanese female artist.

Honestly. At this point, if her 25th anniversary announcement is not a retirement, Ayu should just become a legacy artist. Hold shows every now and then (mime gurl). And re-release the old shit on anniversaries with previously unreleased songs, remixes and B-sides. Because it’s clear at this point that new albums are not doing big enough numbers, and the quality of the music (of lack thereof) is really showing.


Rihanna’s Smash Bros. Bowl Halftime performance

When it was announced that Rihanna was gonna be doing the Halftime show for Super Bowl LVII, I thought ‘Cool’. I had no big expectations in terms of what Rihanna was going to give, because Rihanna isn’t a performer who gives much. She is a low energy ‘I’mma just whine for a little bit, and maybe drop into the choreo when I feel like it’ kinda gal. She does not have the showmanship to give the type of performance that Beyoncé or Lady Gaga would give / has given. So, I was absolutely fine with what Rihanna gave us for her Halftime show. She came out. Looked amazing. Did a bunch of the hits within a really cool megamix. Rihanna did as Rihanna does, and it was fine.

But the real highlight of the Halftime show for me was the stage setup; which was meme’d immediately, due to it looking like the Pokémon Stadium stage in Super Smash Bros. (which it absolutely did at one point). But the stage setup was truly incredible. And I hope Perfume’s team were watching. Because unless “Party Maker” is performed with the original setup, or this Super Smash Bros. Pokémon Stadium setup, I do not want it. I’m tired of “Party Maker” being diluted by stage setups which don’t do the song or the choreography any justice.

Watching Rihanna go up so high gave me second-hand anxiety, especially with her being pregnant. I can’t imagine what that insurance policy was like. But it did look incredible, and made use of the space in a way I’ve not seen from a Halftime show before. And the cinematography was also top notch. I need more folk to be on their shit when it comes to shooting performances, but too any good performances are being shot like shit. Yes Perfume. I’m looking at y’all again.


Everybody’s dyin’

When 2023 started to approach, the Grim Reaper must have realised he fell short on his quota for the year. Because every other day, somebody was getting snatched outta the world of the living. It’s awful.

💐 Burt Bacharach
1928 – 2023
Burt Bacharach is probably not a name that most kids who predominantly listen to chart music are aware of, but he’s such a big part of music; both figuratively, but also personally for me. I grew up listening to a lot of Burt Bacharach’s music, mostly his stuff with Hal David for Dionne Warwick. And now that I think about it, Burt’s music had a massive influence on the ways in which I hear music.

And whilst there may be generations who have never heard of Burt Bacharach, his influence is still very present in the music of today; even if folk aren’t aware of it. I hear Burt Bacharach’s influence in Adele, Bruno Mars, Janelle Monáe, Finneas. I can hear it in Amy Whinehouse’s Back to Black, in some of Mariah Carey’s earlier ballads, even in Radiohead.

Truly an amazing talent that I just can’t see us having again. Especially with the way the industry treats songwriters these days, and the smaller space that romantic ballads seem to but barely occupy in trending charts on streaming and radio these days.

💐 Christine McVie
1943 – 2022
In another instance of ‘Music ?J listens to but never talks about’ I do be listening to some Fleetwood Mac, as I’m sure many do. Fleetwood Mac is one of those groups where even if you don’t know the group, you absolutely know at least one of their songs. And there is a high likelihood that if Stevie Nicks wasn’t the lead singer or writer of one of those songs, that Christine McVie was. We all like “Rumours”. It’s a great song, and a classic. But the Fleetwood Mac song I run the fuck up out of is “Little Lies”. The whole of Tango in the Night is my shit, and probably one of my favourite Fleetwood Mac albums. But “Little Lies” is the one, and Christine wrote that bitch.

💐 Anita Pointer
1948 – 2022
In December of 2022, Anita Pointer of The Pointer Sisters had passed away.

The Pointer Sisters are responsible for what is easily one of the most well known and revered songs in pop music and queer history, “I’m So Excited”. I personally prefer “Jump (For My Love)”. But, whatever. And Anita Pointer was one of the co-writers of “I’m So Excited”, which meant she must have been getting some good royalties money over the years. But despite how popular “I’m So Excited” is now, and how regularly it’s been used in TV shows, movies and commercials over the years; it wasn’t the mega smash hit you would think it was when it first released.

The Pointer Sisters’ avalanche of tragedy started in 2000 when their mother passed away. And then only 3 years later, Anita lost her only child to cancer. Then 3 years after that the youngest Pointer sister June lost her life to cancer. And then in 2020, one of the middle sisters’ Bonnie passed away. And now Anita is gone, leaving behind the eldest sister, Ruth. The Pointer Sisters had beefed and fallen out over the years, but even so, I can’t imagine how she must feel; with all of her sisters, her mother and one of her grandchildren, all having died. But the legacy of The Pointer Sisters will remain eternal. Because “I’m So Excited” ain’t going no-fucking-where.

💐 Barbara Walters
1929 – 2022
The famed journalist passed away aged 93. This is a passing which I’m sure went straight over the heads of a generation or two, as Barbara Walters wasn’t in the thick of journalism and on everybody’s screens later in her career the way she once was. But as social media does, the famed clip of her interview with Mariah Carey following the American Idol fallout with Nicki Minaj went a lil’ bit viral upon news of Barbara’s passing. This marked what I think was one of the few interviews Barbara did in the latter part of her career. Another interview of Barbara’s also ended up going viral, was her 1981 interview with Dolly Parton, in which Barbara was just a rude bitch, and Dolly delivered a masterclass in how you clear a bitch with a smile and southern charm.

Barbara has always been a very divisive figure, as most famed journalists and interviewers tend to be. But it can’t be denied that she had an incredible list of interviews to her name. Michael Jackson, Katherine Hepburn, Fred Astaire, John Wayne, Muhammad Ali, Lucille Ball, Fidel Castro.

And now her fried out perm is laid to rest.

💐 Fred White
1955 – 2023
Earth, Wind and Fire drummer and Rock and Roll Hall of Famer Fred White passed away aged 67.

67!?

Maybe it’s just me getting older, but 67 no longer seems THAT old to me. When I heard Fred has passed, I expected him to be in his 90s or some shit. But he was only 67 years old.

Fred was one of the original 9 members of Earth, Wind and Fire, and the younger brother of the bassist with the silk press, Verdine White.

Earth, Wind and Fire is one of those groups whose legacy was already cemented, many years ago. But thanks in part to social media, they remain a part of pop culture and are reintroduced to new generations annually. Mariah Carey has December. And Earth, Wind & Fire have September.


Y’all
This Random J(unk) Mail was supposed to go out on Christmas Day. Then I was supposed to post it on New Year’s Day. And now here we are in the middle of February. But I want to say a massive thank you to each of you that voluntarily chooses to spend some time on this here blog. Despite putting things on the Internet inevitably meaning that somebody, somehow, somewhere will see it; I’m continually surprised that anybody reads the stuff I write and bothers to engage with any of it. So, a big thanks to those of you who stop by. Even those of you who lurk and don’t comment, and like a bunch of my tweets, but never tweet.

What’s the lesson for this week? Live bitch. Life is too fucking short. Go spend those 4000 dollars on a Pure/Honey on stage riser ticket for the Renaissance World Tour.