Ariana Grande weightgate is such a fucked situation

The Internet has been talking about Ariana Grande’s weight loss for a while, and she addressed it pretty wonderfully for the first time via TikTok 2023. Although this was at a point when I don’t think there was enough visible concern for enough people outside of Ariana’s fanbase to make a bigger deal of it. She also addressed it again 2 years later during the Wicked press tour in 2025 in an interview with Sally for Oui Oui Baguette. Everything Ariana said still very much stands. But it’s harder to argue against concerns about her appearance now, given how she looks in her music video for “Petal” and on her Eternal Sunshine tour. But this isn’t a post about how Ariana looks and a demand that she seeks help. It’s a post about the mess of trying to navigate trying to help somebody. And the ways in which this can spin out of control and become an absolute trainwreck with anybody, much less when that somebody is a public figure who is one of the most followed people on Instagram IN THE WORLD with over 360 million followers.

Trying to help somebody you can see has a problem is [turns and looks into the camera] ✨ such a fucked situation ✨. Because when you see that someone close to you is going through something, it’s not easy to start that conversation with them. And when you do finally muster up the courage to start it or are pushed to, 9 times out of 10 that person will deny they have a problem. They’ll get pissed at you for raising what they feel is a non-concern and making ‘accusations’. And now you’re pissed off at their response and denial, and now you’re thinking ‘Fuck that bitch’. But the thing that gets lost in this is how that person feels being confronted with ‘I THINK YOU HAVE A PROBLEM’. Because they are hit with a realisation that something that they thought they were hiding is visible. And when the dust settles from that first confrontation, their first instinct isn’t to seek help to get better. It’s to work harder to hide the thing. And part of hiding that thing is to either be more visible in a bid to perfect the act of everything being okay, or to withdraw so they are far less visible. And in the case of Ariana Grande — IF she were suffering from some form of disorder, her reaction would be to do something like embark on a world tour. I know a lot of fans are trying to use Ariana’s tour as a retort to people’s criticisms of her weight — ‘If she had a problem she wouldn’t tour’. But it’s the opposite. People with problems will go to extreme lengths to keep up an appearance.

I would imagine that this is a pretty common scenario. But when the person with the problem is a public figure whose life choices and appearances have long been topics of public scrutiny — it adds a whole other layer of mess to things. And in an age of social media where everybody wants clicks, being nasty gets attention and fans form unhealthy parasocial relationships, it creates even more of a mess.

The girls are fighting A LOT over Ariana online and lots of them are wrong, even though many of them think they are right and helping her.

Ariana Grande behind the scenes of “Petal” | Babydoll Music / Republic Records

One thing I will say is that not everybody who is commenting on Ariana’s weight and saying she should get help is a hater. I do think that there are some people whose comments are coming from a genuine place of concern. And I don’t think it’s fair to just lump them with the people posting ‘CINDY, THIS IS BONES’ and making disparaging comments about Ariana’s appearance. BUT. I do think there is a right and a wrong way to put a point across and address it, especially when dealing with the sensitivities of an eating disorder. Particularly if the messenger has a huge following, which means there is an increased likelihood that Ariana will see that message. And her seeing that message isn’t necessarily going to do the good they hope it will.

I have seen quite a few people @ Ariana and tag her in what I think are very valid and poignant posts. But the thing we have to remember here is that when people are going through some shit and they are confronted about it, they are not always going to be receptive to what you’re telling them — even if that thing is true and rooted in what’s best for them. And I also think that when you are making these posts online and tagging Ariana in them, that there is an element of ‘look at me’ versus ‘look at this situation and let us all please be conscious and considerate of it’. Ariana Grande is a hugely public figure whose body has been a topic of conversation for years and is at its peak right now. You can talk about eating disorders, anorexia and the like without naming her and tagging her. Some people will be able to put 2 and 2 together, but they can’t ever accuse you of jumping on a bandwagon or what the fans claim is a ‘hate train’ or a ‘smear campaign’. And it also shows that you are thinking about the bigger picture instead of trying to make somebody the face of something, simply because they are famous. There should always be active conversations about eating disorders, because it’s something many people suffer from. As many as 3 million people in the UK suffer from an eating disorder. In America an estimated 28 million Americans will have an eating disorder in their lifetime — which is 9% of the U.S population. And whilst the figures for Japan are low, with less and 0.50% of the population affected by eating disorders, it’s not 0. And as per the case with Japan’s statistics for suicide rates, there is a likelihood that this figure is low because of undercounting.

I don’t think it’s necessary or fair to make a celebrity the face of these conversations. Reference them and share concerns by all means. But to lead with pieces like ‘ARIANA IS FORCING YOUNG GIRLS TO BE SKINNY’ is not the move. And if you can’t see how this is problematic and insensitive, then that’s a you problem which needs to be addressed first, before anybody else’s eating disorder.

Ariana Grande behind the scenes of “Petal” | Babydoll Music / Republic Records

It’s one thing to have somebody you love sit you down and say ‘I think you have a problem’, versus millions of people you don’t know, tagging you in messages saying ‘You need to get help, you’re anorexic’ and ‘BITCH, I CAN SEE YOUR COLLARBONES’. Yes, Ariana can be problematic and has been over the years. But this doesn’t give any of us a license to be insensitive assholes. Especially over something which could be affecting her health. Also, those who do suffer from eating disorders may see the way everybody is treating Ariana and feel they have to work even harder to hide that they have a disorder, out of fear of being treated similarly, which makes them harder to help and treat.

Ariana’s team put out a statement that she will take a break after the Eternal Sunshine tour. I didn’t think the statement was…good. But regardless, time off is a good shout and what I think Ariana needs. It’s what she needed long before all of this. After the release of Eternal Sunshine and the Wicked: For Good promo is when I expected Ariana to take a break. She just seemed exhausted from everything. And the initial lustre of being in Wicked and putting out an album that meant something to her just seemed to have faded. So, I was surprised as fuck when she announced the Eternal Sunshine tour and another album. But we never know what’s going on behind the scenes and what spurs certain choices. Sometimes when you’re feeling a type of way about things and feel like you’re in a rut, the idea of doing nothing can make you feel anxious. So instead, you throw yourself into work as a distraction. So, I get it.

Ariana Grande behind the scenes of “Petal” | Babydoll Music / Republic Records

I’ve been in a situation where I’ve had to navigate a similar situation with someone and it was really difficult to confront them about their problem. But I was forced to, because after so long of thinking and hoping that maybe they’ll figure it out after how bad the first instance of addressing the issue was — their problem got so bad to a point that it started affecting other people’s lives too, including mine to a far greater degree than before. I eventually grew to really resent that person, because now they’d hit a point where I felt they were just being selfish and plain wreckless. And the unfortunate reality is that you can only do so much for somebody. Sometimes there is absolutely nothing you can do, even knowing what the worst possible outcome could be. A person can only help themselves if they actually want to and if they’re able to admit that they actually have a problem.

If any of you are going through something — please do speak to somebody that you trust and know will tell you shit like it is, but also surround you with love and be there by your side as you figure things out. And if somebody close to you is going through something, just try to be there for them. Life is too short and too raggedy to be going through hardships alone when you don’t have to. To those who want to try and help — help because you want to genuinely help somebody. Not for self fulfilment and to feed your own hero complex.

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