Instagram creeping: Vol. 1 (featuring Ayumi Hamasaki, Kumi Koda & Beyoncé)

I spend a fair amount of time on Instagram, as I think many of us do. And yo...I be seeing some THANGS from your faves and mine on Instagram that make me roll my eyes, choke, gasp, think 'Whathafuck!?'. So I figured: I'll share my reactions with you guys instead. It's not always nice to be a piece of shit in somebodies Insta comments, so let me be a piece of shit here.

As featured on Beni's Instagram account | beniboooo

Nas was at some event in Japan and Crystal Kay and Beni also happened to be there. This was most definitely a 'Sir, can we take a picture with you?' moment. Because ain't no way in hell Nas knows who the hell Beni is. Crystal Kay posted a picture on her Insta of the three of them and I'm betting that Crystal was the one who approached Nas a photo, because she knew deep down in her punani that he would respond to her fine ass. Because straight men be basic like that. I'm really looking forward to joint to their joint album Everything is flop.

As featured on Michi's Instagram account | michimadness

MiChi posted a throwback picture of herself on stage, talmbout how she misses this life, when she is the one who decided to turn her back on it, fly off to New York and pursue some art shit. I'm not even mad, because MiChi's albums were getting worse with each release. Plus, maybe a bitch didn't turn her back on her career after all. Maybe Sony dropped her. Whatever the reason MiChi seemed less invested in her music career anyway. But with this said, I would still welcome new music from her. Over the course of the past week MiChi had posted about her debut album / mixtape MiChi madness, calling out the 10th anniversary of its release and she also posted a shot that was not your regular Insta snap and could easily pass for a promo shot; which she also changed her avi to. These two posts in conjunction with MiChi posting how she misses the feeling of being on stage could be read as signs of a comeback, or MiChi's just deep in her feelings about a point in her life where everything was so different from what she's living now.

I've said many a time how much I adore her debut album and that it's easily one of the best pop albums around. Period. Check it out if you haven't done so already. It's a brilliant album.

As featured on Ayumi Hamasaki's Instagram account | a.you

Ayu shows us the regrowth of her edges following Namie Amuro's retirement. She's clearly learned nothing following on from Hikaru Utada's hiatus, in which time Ayu couldn't have fallen any further from grace if she was pushed. Ayu had better hope that Vision factory don't turn up to Avex with bags of CD's to plan a Best collection featuring all of Namie's original recordings, and that her shit stays off Spotify; or she will lose all of her edges and hear ringing in her right ear for days.

As featured on Beyoncé's Instagram account | beyonce

Beyoncé don't do Insta captions, because Blue runs her account and Beyoncé can't risk photos going up with 'Everything in shakka' as a caption. But her pictures say more than a caption ever could. Plus, ya'll be dragging be Beyoncé's illiteracy anyway. So a bitch ain't trying to give ya'll words.

Here, The Amazonian empress from the kingdom of haboured wigs is letting us all know, that she ain't giving us no Halloween outfit this year. So we can make do with a pumpkin coloured coat, some titties and a grey lip, and we can fucking deal with it.

As featured on Crystal Kay's Instagram account | crystalkayofficial

Namie been gone 5 minutes and already Crystal is flexing with Kumi Koda backstage at her DNA tour. I really hope these two record a song together. It would, of course, be an absolute mess. Neither of these women know what the hell they're doing musically these days. But I'd so be here for a collabo regardless. Because I know the song would be so bad that it'd be low key amazing. And it goes without saying that the video would be absolute garbage. Crystal came through with "Revolution", but that was only because Namie weren't starring in no budget ass production.