Random J(unk) Mail: 27.11.21 - My wig’s gonna live forever

Baby, remember my lace.

Random J(unk) Mail is a weekly roundup of whatever the fuck. A collection of things that I was too lazy to make individual posts on. Or just small things that I didn’t think warranted a post, but I still wanted to share thoughts on. I’m gonna try to do this weekly. But those of you who have been here for a minute know my ass is lazy.

You good?

Nope!?

Me neither.

HENNYWAY.


The MaCy’s Thanksgiving Christmas Parade

Macy’s held their Thanksgiving parade this year, which also kinda doubles as a Christmas parade. And if Christmas wasn’t the theme before, then it sure had to be once they booked Mariah Carey to attend. I don’t need to tell you which song she performed. We all know the one. And not a single live vocal was given.

Miming Mimi stood on a platform in her red gown, with her parasol, and unconvincingly lip synced the entirety of that Christmas song. And to that, I say ‘Get money, bitch.’

After that New Year’s mess in 2016 and the redemption of the mess the following year, Mariah is NEVER giving an outdoor performance in New York live vocals again, and I do not blame her. But in the context of Mariah performing at the Macy’s parade, let’s just mull over this for a minute.

“All I Want for Christmas Is You” is beyond just a popular song. It is now very much a traditional Christmas song that everybody knows inside out and backwards, and are super familiar with. Every note. How it sounds. Every ad-lib. We’ve heard lots of versions and renditions of it over the years, but they’ve not always been Mariah’s. For her to perform a rendition of “All I Want for Christmas Is You” to a general public which is not EXACTLY the same as the version they know, it wouldn’t go down well. All the things Mariah would need to do to the song for her to be able to sing it live and sing it well would change the song to the point that it’s not the same one most know. Mariah dropping the key, changing a few arrangements and not including as many big notes would be absolutely fine to a crowd of Lambs. But to an audience of the general public? No way.

Also, the Macy’s Thanksgiving parade is too big an event at a time of year when the weather is unpredictable. So singing anything live is a risk. I mean, shit. Just simply showing up is a risk. Never forget the murder of Barney in 1997.

Mariah generally doesn’t seem great performing outside and to crowds who aren’t her fans. At the Macy’s parade she seemed nervous as hell, and understandably so. But she looked great. And Miming Mimi has earned every right to show up with the mic off. We should be grateful Miming Mimi even bothers to make appearances, because she really does not have to at this point. “All I Want for Christmas Is You” is getting streamed annually regardless of whether Mariah promotes the song or not.


Gettin’ Gigli with it

In a move that I didn’t see coming, although I don’t know how I didn’t, Jennifer Lopez is releasing a new album, This Is Me… Now. A throwback and a sequel to her 2002 album This Is Me… Then.

*Crickets*

The one with “Jenny From the Block” on it.

The album was trash. The only song on it I liked was “I’m Glad”, which is still one of Jennifer’s best songs. But it’s smart on Jennifer’s part to not only self-reference her last album which had a string of hits, but to capitalise on a moment in her career which had everybody talking - now that she’s in a point in her life where things are coming full circle for her, being back with Ben Affleck. Maybe we’ll also get a sequel to Gigli; Still Gigli. Straight to streaming. Obviously.


LOOΠΔ [- 1]
We figured that members of BTS going off for their mandatory Guile service would be the biggest news in K-pop this side of Christmas. But nope. It’s Loona imploding.

News broke that OG Loona member Chuu was booted out of the group. The official statement as to why Chuu got told to Leave (Get Out) is that she had been a piece of shit to members of staff. But word quickly surfaced that this wasn’t the case, and that this is a cover up as a result of contractual issues which Chuu had with BlockBerry Creative, the company Loona are signed to. Chuu being a piece of shit stuck for all 5 minutes, because of a scandal in 2021, where a former classmate of Chuu came out and said Chuu was her Mean Girl at school. But Chuu pulling a Naomi Campbell and throwing a flip phone at somebody wasn’t enough to pull attention aware from reports that Chuu was seeking legal action against BlockBerry to terminate her contract with them.

It all got messy. But then it got messier, because 9 of the remaining 11 members ‘reportedly’ served BlockBerry Creative papers to terminate their contracts.

Mess.

Me talking about this isn’t from the perspective of news reporting or dissecting a scandal. It’s to remind everybody how corrupt the music business is, and that’s it’s all a damn game. Yes, bitch. Even K-pop. ESPECIALLY K-pop. Acts not being paid, being mistreated and Yevon knows what else is more than just common. It is known and tolerated, to the point of it being an expectation.

Mistreatment of acts is by no means specific to K-pop. But the K-pop system is set up in a way to make it easier for mistreatment to go unchecked and be accepted as part of the experience on the road to becoming an idol. And those who do find themselves fortunate to see the light, speak up and seek legal action against the company they’re signed to, then they are effectively ending their careers. Let us not forget the TVXQ mess. Some of you may not even remember that TVXQ was not always a duo, and once upon a time was a 5 member group. But the casket on Hero, Micky and Junsu’s careers were shipped on Amazon Free next day delivery the second they sent SM Entertainment those papers. And whilst the success they had garnered in Japan as part of TVXQ gave them an avenue to pursue, in the words of Dwyane Wade, that road done ran out of real estate.

The unfortunate thing with K-pop is that every act is seen as replaceable. And I’m sure BlockBerry Creative figured losing one member out of 11 was no big deal, and that they wouldn’t even need to bother replacing a bitch. But now they could ‘reportedly’ end up losing the entire group. But even if they did, BlockBerry would still thrive in ways that the former members would not, and BlockBerry would see to that.

Let’s see how this shakes out. Lemme go run back “Girl Front”. It’s been a minute since I’ve shaken my ass to that.


Taylor Braxton
Toni Braxton’s mother tweeted a selfie on thanksgiving, which got a LOT of attention because she looked about 12 shades lighter than she is. And many (myself included) couldn’t help but think that she looked like Taylor Swift. I am a piece of shit. So of course I replied with this.

pic.twitter.com/SLupgPUiKu

— Random J (@_RandomJ_) November 25, 2022

And then before I knew it, Evelyn had deleted her original tweet.

Evelyn. I do apologise. I shouldn’t have been a piece of shit. But even Stevie coulda told you that Fenty foundation was 12 shades too light.


Irene Cara
Irene Cara has passed away y’all.

The name may not ring a bell for everybody, but it will by the time you’ve finished reading this.

Irene Cara is most notable for her role as Coco Hernandez in the 1980 movie musical Fame, singing the iconic title track of the film. Y’all know the one. ♪ FAME! ♪ *Throws hands to the sky* ♪ I’M GONNA LIIIIIIIIIIIIVE FOREVER ♪. And for being the singer (and songwriter) of “Flashdance...What a Feeling” from the 1983 movie Flashdance.

For those of you who are too young to know Fame or Flashdance, and have no frame of reference; lemme help you.

For the Lambs; those of you who listened to Mariah Carey’s 2020 release The Rarities will know of the song “Out Here on My Own”. This was a cover song from Fame, which was famously sung in the film by Irene Cara. For Namie Amuro fans, her song “What a Feeling” from her 60s 70s 80s triple A-side interpolates the entire hook from “Flashdance... What a Feeling”. And for those who have NO idea what Flashdance is, but know Jennifer Lopez’s music videos pretty well, she recreated Flashdance in her music video for “I’m Glad”. For Deadpool fans, a famed Flashdance moment was recreated for a teaser poster for Deadpool 2. And for Star Wars fans, the lead actress of Flashdance Jennifer Beals, starred as the club patron Garsa in The Book of Boba Fett.

Everything is always connected y’all. And it’s kinda beautiful, because it’s so easy to fall into rabbit holes and make new discoveries which are linked across generations in ways you would never had imagined.

All this is to say that the work of Irene Cara is woven into pop culture as we know it today, and that it reaches the furthest corners of it. This is the sheer massiveness of her impact.

But Irene Cara herself also had monumental career moments. Being the first Black woman to win an Oscar for a non-acting role. Irene also won a Golden Globe and two Grammys. Irene Cara was also a Black Latina, having acted and sung in both English and Spanish, which doesn’t sound like a big deal on paper, but truly was. And it means something even now, in a day and age where Black Latinx visibility continues to be trivial, and attempted to be erased. Colourism is very much alive and well in the Latinx community and within Hollywood, where the lens of Latinx is always fair skinned and non Black. It’s Jennifer Lopez. It’s never an Irene Cara. It’s Selma Hayek. It’s never a Gina Torres.

I can imagine that Irene was an icon to many Black kids in the 80s. And whilst there may be some of you reading this who know not of her, know that her impact continues to permeate pop culture as we know it. And true to the words she sang, she found fame, left her mark and will truly will live forever.

Have a non-miserable day.
?J