Beyoncé disrespectfully announces her Renaissance world tour, just as everybody got paid and the direct debits have already hit.

The fucking nerve of this bitch to announce her tour on the day I put my car in the garage. I can’t be dealing with all these outgoings in the first week of February. And for the tickets to be Ticketmaster?!

I already know I won’t be going.

That was a bit of a cold open. So, let’s roll it back.

So, it’s been unofficially official for a while that Beyoncé would wheel out the disco horse and take it on tour. But nothing is OFFICIAL until we see it on Beyoncé’s Instagram page; the only place she does any ‘promotion’ these days. And today she did it. She posted about the tour. Dates and everything. The Renaissance world tour is HAPPENING, happening. And because Beyoncé has no respect for people’s time, she announced the tour today, with the damn thing starting in May.

The absolute nerve of this bitch to announce this tour on the day I take my car into the garage. I can't be dealing with all of these outgoing in the first day of February. And for the tickets to be available on Ticketmaster!?

I already know I ain’t going.

Europe & UK

May 10, 2023
Friends Arena, Stockholm

May 14, 2023
King Baudouin Stadium, Brussels

May 17, 2023
Principality Stadium, Cardiff

May 20, 2023
BT Murrayfield Stadium, Edinburgh

May 23, 2023
Stadium of Light, Sunderland

May 26, 2023
Stade de France, Paris

May 29, 2023
Tottenham Hotspur Stadium, London

May 30, 2023
Tottenham Hotspur Stadium, London

June 8, 2023
Olympic Stadium, Barcelona

June 11, 2023
Orange Vélodrome, Marseille

June 15, 2023
Rhein Energie Stadium, Cologne

June 17, 2023
Johan Crujiff Arena, Amsterdam

June 21, 2023
Volksparkstadion, Hamburg

June 24, 2023
Deutsche Bank Park, Frankfurt

June 27, 2023
PGE Nardowy, Warsaw

Canada & North America

July 8, 2023
Rogers Centre, Toronto

July 12, 2023
Lincoln Financial Field, Philadelphia

July 15, 2023
Nissan Stadium, Nashville

July 17, 2023
L&N Federal Credit Union Stadium, Louisville

July 20, 2023
Huntington Bank Stadium, Minneapolis

July 22, 2023
Soldier Field Stadium, Chicago

July 26, 2023
Ford Field, Detroit

July 29, 2023
Metlife Stadium, East Rutherford

August 1, 2023
Gillette Stadium, Boston

August 3, 2023
Acrisure Stadium, Pittsburgh

August 5, 2023
FedEx Fields, Washington DC

August 9, 2023
Bank of America Stadium, Charlotte

August 11, 2023
Mercedes-Benz Stadium, Atlanta

August 16, 2023
Raymond James Stadium, Tampa

August 18, 2023
Hard Rock Stadium, Miami

August 21, 2023
Dome at America’s Center, St. Louis

August 24, 2023
State Farm Stadium, Phoenix

August 26, 2023
Allegiant Stadium, Las Vegas

August 30, 2023
Levi’s Stadium, San Francisco

September 2, 2023
Sofi Stadium, Inglewood

September 11, 2023
BC Place, Vancouver

September 13, 2023
Lumen Field, Seattle

September 18, 2023
Geha Field at Arrowhead Stadium, Kansas City

September 21, 2023
NRG Stadium, Houston

September 27, 2023
Caesars Superdome, New Orleans

Beyoncé pointed at the far right side of a world map and said ‘I ain’t doing them countries over there’.

Looking at the locations, it seems like Beyoncé is doing what South Korean and Japanese acts do - book dates in Europe and North America, and call it a world tour. Although this seems to be the norm with all touring acts now, which predates the pandemic. When big acts do world tours these days, they don’t be doing THE WORLD how they used to, which is unfortunate for fans over in Latin America, Japan and Australia; places that world tour legs would almost always include.

Shout outs to the fans in Africa and Iceland.

But let us be real for a second. Who honestly can even be bothered to do a full world tour these days? Maybe I’m getting old, but I look at how long some world tours used to run for and wonder how anybody was able to do that shit. Some of these tours would visit every damn country and run for almost 2 years!? Every artist hits a point in their career when they realise ‘Actually, touring is dreadful’. Being able to perform on stage to a crowd of fans is something every act appreciates. But the shit you have to go through and put yourself through for a world tour is a lot. And in the midst of these tours, some bitches be recording albums and shooting music videos!?

I could absolutely never.

Renaissance World Tour | Parkwood / Columbia

As I expected (and dreaded) would be the case, tickets for the Renaissance world tour will be sold through the money laundering scam that is Ticketmaster.

o2 (a UK mobile network) pre-sale starts from February 2nd. Live Nation pre sale starts on February 3rd. BeyHive pre-sale starts on February 6th. And tickets go on general sale on February 7th. But any date after February 2nd is irrelevant, because every ticket will be gone when the o2 pre-sale starts. I hope the Bey Hive has got lawyer money to sue Ticketmaster when the foolery that happened over Taylor Swift’s tour tickets happens again. Bey Hive and Swifites can band together and get a class action lawsuit filed.

🎫 Pray up and pay up: Get’cho tickets

It’s a shame the UK dates are so early in the tour, because we’re probabaly going to get the teething issues and the warm up. Where-as the later dates are probably going to get setlist changes, new shit, and a far slicker show as a result of it having run for months at that point.

I’m keen to see what shit Beyoncé pulls for specific stops of this tour. I can imagine that the Minneapolis stop will include a Prince tribute, Nashville will get “Daddy Lessons”, Donna Summer’s hometown of Boston may get a special version of “Summer Renaissance”, and New Orleans will get a performance of “Break My Soul” which features Big Freedia.

I am genuinely looking forward to this tour. I wasn’t exactly wowed by what I saw of Beyoncé’s performance in Dubai. But honestly. All Beyoncé gotta do is just sit on that disco horse for an hour and run Renaissance from top to bottom. She ain’t even gotta sing or run the backing tracks, because the entire crowd is gonna sing every song for her except “Plastic off the Sofa”.

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