Beyoncé cuts off all of her weave. Weave manufacturers' stocks plummet.

Pepsiyoncé has done the unthinkable. She's cut off all of her hair. This comes a mere few days after she got her ratty weave caught in a fan as she was performing on The Mrs. Carter show world tour. Haters please fall back for a minute and acknowledge that she kept her performance MOVING the entire time the fan was trying to snatch a piece of her weave. Nosingleyoncé has gone head first down a flight of stairs, gotten her weave caught in a fan, had one of her back up singers (Michelle Williams) drop right beside her and did not miss a beat on any of these occasions. The only folk in the game who can go toe-to-toe with Beyoncé are the orchestra who played on the Titanic. Even then Beyoncé would steal a life boat how she steals song writing credits and pop her pussy on it whilst the ship goes down and crew deck are snatching babies.

Bitches in the game are thirsty to see Beyoncé get her wig snatched, but that ain't ever gonna happen. So this is as close as they're going to get to seeing Beyoncé lose hair.

The Bey hive may be talking up how this is Snipyoncé's real hair, but it's all lies. Because everybody knows Alopeciyoncé's real hair looks like an Ethipoian wasteland.

The peasant women of Malaysia and India are throwing a shanty town party at this shit, as it means that their scalps are safe for at least another week.