Within the first 42 seconds of this video, the Amazonian robot empress goes through 4 costume changes, rides a horse, has her pet bull kick it in the street, stands besides her pet Lion, fronts a riot and pussy pops on a car. This shit is ALL before the video has even truly begun. The budget for these 42 seconds is already valued higher than the combined total of Kelly Rowland, Solange, Michelle and LeToya's music videos combined. Bitches just got checked.
Proceed on for my full rundown of the Beyondroid's latest video.
0:50 - The song hasn't even started, yet the Amazonian robot empress has already begun whipping her weave. Shit is in her face, her eyes, her mouth and everything! It's compromising her ability to breath and mouth the lyrics, but she keeps that whip game up and whips her shit on the finest of forms. At this point I'm in love with the video, because Beyoncé is already giving me what I want before shit has even truly begun. Beyoncé just sent Willow back to school. It's good somebody did. Because Jada and Will sho' don't care about a bitches education.
1:05 - Bitch goes straight from weave whipping to opening her legs. A Beyoncé video is not a Beyoncé video until she starts opening the legs. At this point I'm certain Beyoncé has the power to read my mind. She gave me weave thrashing and open legs within the first minute of the video and the the song has STILL not yet truly begun. Mission complete. This video already has me sold.
1:13 - I always love it when the Beyondroid starts dancing that hood shit. She drops some nifty footwork with her two n***a's and keeps up nicely. Her wig looks a mess, but her foot work game is tight.
1:35 - This arm waving, krumpy look shit. I like it. I like it A LOT! I will be overusing this move in the clubs to every damn song.
1:43 - Beyoncé's all over some dudes, and the n***a on the right is giving some serious side eye.
1:47 - Beyoncé checks on the n***a who gave the side eye. Can't nothing get past this bitch and her all powerful, all seeing weave. She is not the Amazonian robot empress for nothing.
1:51 - The Beyondroid jumps on a dude and takes him down. Like, actually takes him to the floor. This is a glimpse of how it probably went down in the dressing rooms backstage during Destiny's Child gigs when Kelly or Michelle went to use the hair straighteners before B pressed her shit first.
1:57 - Jay-Z makes a cameo. Oh no wait. They just some Hyena's.
2:02 - Beyoncé goes down in-between some guys legs, and some n***a in the back kicks sand at her weave. This might be my favourite part of the video alongside the weave whippage at 1:05. I just love the audacity that a n***a actually kicked sand at Beyoncé.
2:04 - Beyoncé flips a bird at the camera. Darth Mathew Knowles, this is for you muh n***a. And all of you haters out there. Beyoncé's psychic weave senses the hating and she doesn't care. Stay mad.
2:06 - Fire trucks are pressure blasting water at Beyoncé in a last bid attempt to get her horrendous beehive wig off of her head, after her cousin Angela put too much lacefront glue in her shit and cemented it to her scalp.
2:13 - I guess the fire truck pressure blasting did no good, because the blonde atrocity is still on her head. Home girl has clearly been watching those Monster ball specials on HBO, because she's rocking some shit I know I've seen Gaga wear. She wins my heart by wearing gold Nintendo GameCube shoes. But then loses it by not dancing in them. Beyoncé ain't up on things how she used to be. She usually never passes up an opportunity to dance in heels and show what a trek up Dunns river falls in 7 inch heels at the age of 6 does for a ho in her twenties when she's at the top of her game.
2:28 - Mutant power reveal. GameCube shoe Beyoncé is the Dark phoenix. She sets a car on fire and blows it up, with the power of her omega mutant weave.
2:58 - Every straight dude's favourite part of the video. The Beyondroid assuming the position on her hands and knees. Back arched. Booty out. Weave looking like Lawrence of Arabia just razzled that shit. Beyoncé probably has sand in her vagina at this point, but she doesn't care...because she's running the world...with her vagina. She's also working the hell out of that yellow dress. It's as fugly as fuck, but her body looks good in it. Shakira probably wants it back though. I hope Beyoncé knows a good dry cleaner, because home girl dragged that shit through some sand for a hot minute.
3:06 - Beyoncé's lying on the floor as part of the routine. You do not lie on the floor to a beat that goes this hard. I'd expect this mess from Britney, not the Amazonian empress.
3:15 - Beyoncé does her Shakira impression again. Writhing around and contorting in the sand and shit. She looks so hot in this setup, that it's a shame more wasn't made of it.
3:30 - Beyoncé is dancing in flats. This ain't the same bitch I fell in love with. The routine is cool, but by this part of the video I was hoping the routine would have been in full swing. This whole things plays out like something you'd expect to see thrown down to earlier parts of the song. Namely the part where Beyoncé laid on the floor and did nothing for 4 lines during the second verse. Bitch had to have taken notes from Britney.
4:37 - Wow! There are more extra's in this video than people who have paid to see Kelly Rowland perform live! Has anywhere even sold tickets for Kelly Rowland gig before!?
Final thoughts? This video was like a mo' ghetto version of "Freakum dress". Lots of costume changes. A really weak routine. A section where Beyoncé is surrounded by n***a's. Lots of female extra's. And a loud ass song which goes nowhere. Credit to the ho - this video makes the song a little bit better. But as a whole it is just as messy as the song. Too many great concepts just ended up as flash moments. And the concepts which hog the spotlight don't have enough done with them. Beyoncé could have had the WHOLE video be about that underpass with the riot squad and her bitches, and centered the video around a really hot routine - with a "Beat it" style dance off and told other chicks to pack their shit and move the f**k out. But nope. Just nasty dresses, nasty weaves, kicks and jazz hands.
Proceed on for my full rundown of the Beyondroid's latest video.
0:50 - The song hasn't even started, yet the Amazonian robot empress has already begun whipping her weave. Shit is in her face, her eyes, her mouth and everything! It's compromising her ability to breath and mouth the lyrics, but she keeps that whip game up and whips her shit on the finest of forms. At this point I'm in love with the video, because Beyoncé is already giving me what I want before shit has even truly begun. Beyoncé just sent Willow back to school. It's good somebody did. Because Jada and Will sho' don't care about a bitches education.
1:05 - Bitch goes straight from weave whipping to opening her legs. A Beyoncé video is not a Beyoncé video until she starts opening the legs. At this point I'm certain Beyoncé has the power to read my mind. She gave me weave thrashing and open legs within the first minute of the video and the the song has STILL not yet truly begun. Mission complete. This video already has me sold.
1:13 - I always love it when the Beyondroid starts dancing that hood shit. She drops some nifty footwork with her two n***a's and keeps up nicely. Her wig looks a mess, but her foot work game is tight.
1:35 - This arm waving, krumpy look shit. I like it. I like it A LOT! I will be overusing this move in the clubs to every damn song.
1:43 - Beyoncé's all over some dudes, and the n***a on the right is giving some serious side eye.
1:47 - Beyoncé checks on the n***a who gave the side eye. Can't nothing get past this bitch and her all powerful, all seeing weave. She is not the Amazonian robot empress for nothing.
1:51 - The Beyondroid jumps on a dude and takes him down. Like, actually takes him to the floor. This is a glimpse of how it probably went down in the dressing rooms backstage during Destiny's Child gigs when Kelly or Michelle went to use the hair straighteners before B pressed her shit first.
1:57 - Jay-Z makes a cameo. Oh no wait. They just some Hyena's.
2:02 - Beyoncé goes down in-between some guys legs, and some n***a in the back kicks sand at her weave. This might be my favourite part of the video alongside the weave whippage at 1:05. I just love the audacity that a n***a actually kicked sand at Beyoncé.
2:04 - Beyoncé flips a bird at the camera. Darth Mathew Knowles, this is for you muh n***a. And all of you haters out there. Beyoncé's psychic weave senses the hating and she doesn't care. Stay mad.
2:06 - Fire trucks are pressure blasting water at Beyoncé in a last bid attempt to get her horrendous beehive wig off of her head, after her cousin Angela put too much lacefront glue in her shit and cemented it to her scalp.
2:13 - I guess the fire truck pressure blasting did no good, because the blonde atrocity is still on her head. Home girl has clearly been watching those Monster ball specials on HBO, because she's rocking some shit I know I've seen Gaga wear. She wins my heart by wearing gold Nintendo GameCube shoes. But then loses it by not dancing in them. Beyoncé ain't up on things how she used to be. She usually never passes up an opportunity to dance in heels and show what a trek up Dunns river falls in 7 inch heels at the age of 6 does for a ho in her twenties when she's at the top of her game.
2:28 - Mutant power reveal. GameCube shoe Beyoncé is the Dark phoenix. She sets a car on fire and blows it up, with the power of her omega mutant weave.
2:58 - Every straight dude's favourite part of the video. The Beyondroid assuming the position on her hands and knees. Back arched. Booty out. Weave looking like Lawrence of Arabia just razzled that shit. Beyoncé probably has sand in her vagina at this point, but she doesn't care...because she's running the world...with her vagina. She's also working the hell out of that yellow dress. It's as fugly as fuck, but her body looks good in it. Shakira probably wants it back though. I hope Beyoncé knows a good dry cleaner, because home girl dragged that shit through some sand for a hot minute.
3:06 - Beyoncé's lying on the floor as part of the routine. You do not lie on the floor to a beat that goes this hard. I'd expect this mess from Britney, not the Amazonian empress.
3:15 - Beyoncé does her Shakira impression again. Writhing around and contorting in the sand and shit. She looks so hot in this setup, that it's a shame more wasn't made of it.
3:30 - Beyoncé is dancing in flats. This ain't the same bitch I fell in love with. The routine is cool, but by this part of the video I was hoping the routine would have been in full swing. This whole things plays out like something you'd expect to see thrown down to earlier parts of the song. Namely the part where Beyoncé laid on the floor and did nothing for 4 lines during the second verse. Bitch had to have taken notes from Britney.
4:37 - Wow! There are more extra's in this video than people who have paid to see Kelly Rowland perform live! Has anywhere even sold tickets for Kelly Rowland gig before!?
Final thoughts? This video was like a mo' ghetto version of "Freakum dress". Lots of costume changes. A really weak routine. A section where Beyoncé is surrounded by n***a's. Lots of female extra's. And a loud ass song which goes nowhere. Credit to the ho - this video makes the song a little bit better. But as a whole it is just as messy as the song. Too many great concepts just ended up as flash moments. And the concepts which hog the spotlight don't have enough done with them. Beyoncé could have had the WHOLE video be about that underpass with the riot squad and her bitches, and centered the video around a really hot routine - with a "Beat it" style dance off and told other chicks to pack their shit and move the f**k out. But nope. Just nasty dresses, nasty weaves, kicks and jazz hands.
I thought the routine was weak too! I've seen several dance covers to this song, and they came harder with the choreography. But lmfaooo at the weave references!!
ReplyDeleteI liked it,not to conceptual and weird.
ReplyDeletebut it the song still blows
i have no idea *WHERE* to start...
ReplyDelete1) classic J review - had me f*ckin rollin from the VERY beginning!
2) the hood footwork is some REAL nigerian style dance; you ain't bout the catch some new orleans hood figgas doin that!
3)"She usually never passes up an opportunity to dance in heels and show what a trek up Dunns river falls in 7 inch heels at the age of 6 does for a ho in her twenties when she's at the top of her game" - DEAD!!!! X__X
4) umm 2:58 is EVERY dude's favorite part of the video! and that dress is not fugly!
5) Don't act like she didn't try that choreo in some alexander mcqueen's! she probably rolled an ankle a few times and had to give it up!
nice video though. the lone dancer in the room gives her beaucoup points for switching up the choreo game and bringing something new to the table. you know some artist gonna end up in africa tryin the replicate this style and fail miserably. AWESOME REVIEW J!